I made a Throwaway so this can’t be traced back to my main account lol.
Anyway, I 18f had a weird week around Christmas where I was having a lot of nightmares and interrupted sleep. I think what happened was that, when I did fall asleep, I was sleeping really deeply, because I woke up having wet the bed.
This was a thing I used to do when stressed when I was little and my parents always shamed me for accidents. Even during the day, they seemed to view me needing the bathroom as a personal inconvenience. So, anytime it happened, I set an alarm to wake up early so I could do laundry and clean up before they noticed anything.
I have a couple friends I’m really close with and we were talking about how we’re all really stressed with college applications. One of my friends admitted her hair is falling out from stress and we went around sharing more and more embarrassing things that have happened to us recently until I finally said, jokingly, "Don’t tell anybody but I think I got stressed enough that I wet the bed."
It turns out that one of my friends told her mom because she was worried about me and her mom is a doctor. Which is sweet but her mom called mine and now my parents are really angry at me for embarrassing them by keeping a secret from them. I told them I was embarrassed and afraid they’d punish me and they said "You must not be that afraid because you’re telling other peoples’ parents." Except I trust my friends and honestly I trust their parents too, my friend’s mom didn’t yell at me and when I went to her house she was really nice to me.
My parents have no told me I’m not allowed to see that friend outside of school until I apologize to her mom for lying. They told me to say I was lying for attention. Except I wasn’t and I’m refusing to start lying now. I don’t mean to broadcast on the internet that I wet the bed because I feel kind of like a baby, but I did, and I think it’s my choice to tell whoever I want as well as to tell the truth. AITA?
NTA but it sounds like it is time to move out. Your mother wants you to ly and punish you like you are a kid. This is nota normal reaction, you are an adult now. It is up toyou what you are telling. Is she in other things also controlling?
I think this is like an 18 year old high school senior mentioning seeing friends outside of school.
You’re an adult, tell them to grow up and stop shaming you for what your body does and that you have the freedom to see your friends if, when, and how you please. Stand up for yourself or this will be a lifelong pattern of them talking down to you and shaming you.
NTA
At all !
Your parents seem particularly controlling and it doesn’t sound very safe and sane to me…
NTA.
It’s one thing for your parents to be disappointed that you didn’t tell them… it’s quite another for them to be so weirdly neurotic about bodily functions that they want you to lie to your friends about this. You’re allowed to talk about what you want with whoever you want.
If you don’t want to lie to your friends or their parents, you could consider lying to your own parents that you did as they asked. And maybe someday talking to your friend’s mom about how talking with your parents backfired.
NTA and no wonder you have anxiety with parent like these
Your parents are unsupportive, but your friend’s mom was *way* out of line in speaking to your parents rather than you, as an adult! I hope she was nice to you, because she really made a bad mistake here. Yes, you can tell anyone you want, but you chose not to tell your parents for good reason. *She* doesn’t get to tell others.
NTA. You didn’t do it on purpose. Your parents sure aren’t helping you relax either. They also aren’t entitled to a report of every detail of your life if you don’t want to tell them. It’s absurd they are asking their kid to lie to make themselves look better. Do what you need to do to relax and focus on preparing for your future. Good luck 🍀
Your NTA honestly your parents reaction to you not telling them kinda says it all. My mum would ask me why I didn’t tell her(but would probably find out beforehand as it’s hard to put up laundry in my house) but she wouldn’t get mad I told my friend and would ask how my friends mum knew instead of thinking I told her first. Your parents are the people to blame. And maybe the reason why you wet the bed in the first place
NTA.
Considering on how your parents treated you in the past, any reasonable person could understand why you’d be hesitant to tell your parents. Aside from that, it’s totally normal to tell your friends things that you weren’t planning on telling your parents. I can understand slightly if they were concerned you confided in your friends about a health issue and not them, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
I mean shit, I’ll go to my best friend about an STD concern before I go to my parents.
I am so glad your friend and her mom were here for you in a comforting way. If you are willing to, I’d definitely explain to my parents why I felt hesitant to come to them about this issue, as neutral as possible. Judging by the behavior they have shown, they might get defensive very quickly. If that does happen, rest assured in knowing that they are in the wrong here.
I’m so sorry about your past experiences, you didn’t and don’t deserve that. Also, I’ve (22F) wet the bed in the last year… shit happens. It’s mind blowing your parents shamed you as a child when it’s not that uncommon in children… and it happens to adults on occasion too.
Your parents are the AHs!
I had just turned 40, I was beyond stressed with my marriage, my children having children, the holidays and going through medical treatments. I woke up one morning and discovered I’d had a bowel movement in my sleep!!! It was so bad that I had flashbacks to my kids removing their diapers and making “poop art” on the walls. I’m talking from where my bottom was to halfway up my back, and all over the front of my husband. Throw in the brand new white sheets I had literally bought two days before… It was so embarrassing to me.
But you know what my husband and my grandma (closest thing to a mom I have) didn’t do? Make me feel bad in any way!
A few weeks before, my husband had wet the bed overnight. He was nearly in tears. I simply changed the sheets and cleaned the mattress. Didn’t mention it again until he had a normal doctor’s appointment, when I suggested talking to the doctor to make sure there wasn’t anything physically wrong.
NTA. If you trust your friends mom, I would tell her how your parents reacted and ask her to play along foe them as if you apologized. Her sharing the personal information of an adult with their parents is what initiated this conflict. But your parents reaction sucks nonetheless, I hope you get out there soon.
NTA
Your parents are unfit parents. You still wetting the bed as a stress response is 1000% _their_ fault: they so much mistreated you when it comes to your relationship to your bladder that your adult body still enacts that trauma.
Don’t bend to their abuse. You’re 18, you don’t have to obey them.