I (21M) am not really interested in alcohol. I don’t like the taste, and don’t really care for or want that ‘buzz’ you can get from it, but I live in a family with some members that value drinking and social gatherings revolving it quite a bit. During a recent family vacation, some family went to a bar and declined. It was late in the night, I was cold, and as mentioned before, I don’t care about alcohol. In addition, I don’t feel particularly comfortable around certain family members due to them loving to pressure me to drink, and give me tens of reasons why they believe drinking socially is good. Anyways I decline, and my sister starts talking to me about how they think saying no was a mistake, as it was an opportunity to get closer to some of my family. Her husband also didn’t fully want to go, but ended up going while I still stuck with my decision. My sister ended up giving me a lecture, with one particular thing that she said that stuck out to me being, "I’m not trying to manipulate you, but if something happens to them, and you don’t go, your last memory with them will be saying no to spending time with them". This… is exactly what manipulating is yeah? I’m not crazy about this am I??? Anyways, I don’t know. I feel like the answer is obvious, but anytime I decline anything from my family for whatever reason, it just immediately puts me on the spot when I just, want to do my own thing. And its gotten to the point where there are times where I’d rather just do stuff with my
friends than be with certain family members which I feel like an asshole for thinking that way.
I don’t think you are an asshole. If you aren’t one that wishes to drink, staying out of drinking venues is perfectly legitimate. I drink, just not very often and not much when I do. I don’t even like the bar environment. I’d rather spend my money on good food in a quieter place.
NTA. You weren’t obligated to go to the bar.
No one should ever be obligated to go to the bar
NTA
NTA – good for you for sticking to your guns.
NTA. I think it would be rude to not go ever, like in day time to sit ouside and enjoy anything (beer, drink, soda, water). But late, in noisy bar, people pressurimg you to drink, definetly better to go to sleep.
Not sure / mixed. I get a lot of people are saying it’s great you stuck to your decision. But if you weigh the relationship side vs staying home (you could go and not drink alcohol), there is a lot to be said for joining in on the bonding.
Edit: I would add this may not be a question of a-hole or not. I don’t think you’re an asshole for not going. But I would suggest there is a relationship aspect to this you could have maximized.
NTA. You dont drink, and you dont want to go out with certain family members. And pressuring soneone to consume an addictive substance is terrible. And I drink, but would never insist that soneone else do the same.
NTA, you can always not go somewhere if that’s your wish, but you know there is more to a bar than alcohol, right? There’s music and pool and a chance to hang out with friends. You might have missed out on a chance to get to know some family better.
You’re NTA and your family sounds like a bunch of teenagers in an after-school special trying to peer pressure you into drinking.
You’d be wrecking your sleep schedule for an activity you dont enjoy with people you dont really like and you would be cold the whole time. NTA.
NTA. By the same logic you could die tomorrow, so they can skip the booze for one night to socialize with you.
The best outcome would be that you join them in a pub to enjoy their company, but when there, no one pressures you to drink.
If that outcome is impossible, then explain why you do not wish to go to bars late at night.
I see your sister’s point: They traveled and it’s only polite to spend time with them. But next time let them know that you won’t stay if you are pressured to drink. It’s their choice to have your company or to nag you about drinking .They can’t have both.
So out of the people that went, I feel like most would have been fine with me not drinking. Just a few in particular that really like to push drinks onto me over and over again, even if I say no.
I appreciate the feedback. I admittedly speak before I think, so that comes out to things I say in the moment not being as clear as they could have been. I probably could have explained exactly why I didn’t want to in that moment, when it happened. Aside from the alcohol, my clothes were also just soaked so I wanted to go and get out of those clothes which I remember not voicing as well as I could have