I (30NeroSpicyNon-Bionary) and my mother (60+F) got in to an argument recently and i need advice (Forgive any spelling errors I’m not used to writing in this format). Just as a heads up, i, unfortunately am also not very good at grammar, sorry. So, after a wonderful night of my gaming group, including my mother, we were just before the stage of the night where we say our goodbyes and goodnights. Hanging out as we usually do then my niece (2F) enters the equation moments before things get messy. I notice my niece sitting in mothers lap… with dry erase markers drawing on paper.
As soon as they started handing her more markers I go over and quote ask/comment : could you please not use those? they will dry up faster and we also wont be able to use them for future adventures. For context, we use them A lot on our dry erase grid boards. But I digress, she makes a comment that basically dismisses what I’ve said and continues what they are doing. This not only angered me a tad bit and offended me it made me press the matter further trying to get them to stop.
More context : my niece has several dozen drawing implements of her own strewn about the floor, I know because I step on them all the time. The arguing spirals out of control quickly, there was no yelling for my nieces sake, for after me pressing the matter further they continue to dismiss what I have to say. I end up leaving to my nearby upstairs room and cry so much that it leads me to getting too warm so I go into the bathroom and turning on cold water and sit by it. She came up to try to make amends but instead made things worse. She basically informed me she could replace them however that wasn’t the point.
After i went back into my room my best friend tried to explain it to her. Didn’t go over well since we eventually texted each other and things were even muddier. Later I’m told she asked someone else if it was okay to still use them and they said: yeah just not too much. I figure they wanted to remain neutral in this situation and not upset anyone, however it upset me further.
After they left I just sat crying with only my best friend to comfort me. After an awful nights sleep I eventually was texted by my mother, to summarize, we not only didn’t hash things out but made things worse. It has been decided that I am uninviting myself to any upcoming family events/ celebrations. Until this gets resolved I’m SOL, especially now my sister is involved. If any context is needed do let me know, I’m willing to even include texts but its late I’m exhausted and tired so you’ll have to leave it as is for now.
YTA….30 yrs old and you had to leave the room and cry because a 2 yr old used your markers? And now you are not going to go to any family things? Was 30 a typo? You meant 3, right?
Are you in therapy of any kind?
the short of it is yes im in therapy
ESH
Nobody was acting like an adult. It’s really easy to distract a two year old with a different marker most of the time. Either you or your mom could’ve easily done that.
Dry Erase markers are also relatively cheap. Someone in that room could’ve just offered to get more, either you by just letting it go, or your mom.
You mention being neurospicy so perhaps that was pertinent and perhaps your mom never respects you, which would be an issue, but on the face of it with just this incident taken alone ESH.
Their mom did say she could and would replace the markers.
YTA. I get that you’re neurospicy, same here. That is not at all an excuse for your behavior here.
You asked that your niece not use the markers and were apparently told no. You are able to make requests and others are able to say yes or no to those requests. You decided to keep pushing the issue.
They’re markers. They can be replaced, which your mother said she would do. You don’t make this clear, but it doesn’t sound like these were even specifically *your* markers. You got exceedingly upset about *a two year old playing with markers* to the point where you are refusing to go to family events. Let your mother replace the markers if they no longer work, and apologize to your family for escalating this so needlessly.
YTA.
ESH, I understand that not being listened to can feel really disrespectful and frustrating. Especially if this happens a lot with your mom – dismissing what you say. But at the same time, in this situation alone, the reality is that this was a little kid/baby playing with markers. Markers that are cheap and easily replaceable. I think most people would agree with you actually that you shouldn’t use those to draw because they run out quickly. But I think they told you no because the reality is it’s not a big deal if they do get waisted. Not because they don’t care about you, but because they are cheap and can easily be replaced and it’s just a little kid playing with them. I think you should think about the whole context of the situation, I don’t think it needed to be escalated to this point. I think you and others involved could have communicated and reacted better. Consider trying to work this out, this is not worth uninviting yourself from future get-togethers.
did the markers belong to you solely or are they your mothers/shared resources?
I am neurodivergent like you and really struggle when people use my belongings without following my rules with them. I also am prone to outbursts when I feel like my wishes are not being maintained (something I am working on).
If this situation had ended with the conversation in the bathroom, then you would not be the asshole in my eyes. However, by continuing it after the emotions had settled a tad you have gone beyond an appropriate response for what are cheap pens. Interfamilial conflict is always a lose lose for everyone involved.
So currently YTA, and approaching your mum to have an adult conversation about why it upset you and how to better communicate in the future sounds like a better plan than holding a grudge over a pen.
YTA. Those are just dry erase markers and – from the sound of it – they weren’t your personal super expensive, only-available-in-one-expensive-shop ones. Just. Markers.
You’re making a massive deal of a 2-year-old drawing with dry erase markers. Should one draw with them on paper? Not really. But your niece is 2, markers are easy to obtain, and your mother said she’d buy new ones. That should have been the end of it, but you made it into some family drama of epic proportions.
Just apologise for overreacting and move on.
YTA, what a strange hill to die on. Let your mother buy new markers and let this go.
YTA. wake up to yourself they were markers that can be replaced.
YTA and I’m scared how a 30 yr old handled that situation so childishly. I have expensive equipment in my house and if family or friends with young kids come over, I make sure they’re not in reach. These were markers… The reaction is too much for so little.