I, 16F am currently ignoring my mom because of what she
said to me.
Two days ago I was hanging out with my mom and her
husband. I’ll call him Phil. And she got a text from her
friend asking for her and PhiI to hangout that night. She
then asked I me if I wanted to watch my siblings (twin boys, very young ages) and said "no not rlly" bc I didn’t want to.
She didn’t like that answer and said “well I was just asking
to sound nice, be happy I’m not cussing you out and
slapping you bc thats what my mom used to do”
Phil was agreeing with her, even laughing a little.
She’s said stuff like this before. asking me, I say no, but
still making me do it.
I straight up just told her to stop asking me and just tell me
instead because, I thought it was pointless. And ig she
didn’t like that answer and got mad? I don’t know why tbh.
She then called me a "fucking weirdo" which upset me and
I just left the room. I watched my siblings AND put them both to bed that night.
and same night she made cookies, texted me to tell me
she made them. (something we’ve been doing for a few
weeks now)
But last night, she made cookies, but didn’t tell me that
time, l assumed they were for me since it was only two
left. I waited to eat them bc I just ate snacks. Fast-forward
to later, they ate them. And that iust made it worse bc she
always made them for all of us!
But it’s been two, almost three days and I haven’t said a
word to her and I feel like she doesn’t care and I don’t feel
loved by her as her child. She’s only been texted me saying "dinner is ready" or "food in the kitchen" and I have not replied to her.
This is an old acc so ig it’s a throwaway now lol. Anyway I just want to know if AITA for ignoring her or if I’m being dramatic about this.
NTA – those kids are your mom’s responsibility, not yours. Live your life. As Michael Jackson said, “If you can’t feed your baby, then don’t have a baby”
NTA. Totally not being dramatic. “I feel like she doesn’t care.” Correct. “I don’t feel loved by her as her child.” You are not. I am so sorry. The sooner you can move out, the better. (I know you are only 16. Just saying.)
NTA. Even though they’re your siblings, you should still have a say in whether you watch them or not. Her asking you as if there’s another option and then making you do it anyways isn’t giving you the respect you deserve. Which yes, there definitely should be respect since you’re not only her child, but you’re being asked to watch her other, much younger children.
Nah youre not the bad guy here. Your mom asked you, you answered, and she got mad because she wanted a yes no matter what. Saying she could “slap you” is messed up, not a cute joke. Calling you a weirdo on top of that is even worse. You’re allowed to take space when someone talks to you like that, even if they’re a parent. You’re not dramatic, you’re hurt, and honestly anyone would be. Keep your boundary and talk to her when you feel ready, not out of guilt. You’re doing fine.
Thank you! I’m glad you think I’m not the Asshole. I’ll try and gather the courage to talk to her if I can.
Frankly, she’s so wildly in the wrong that she’s the one who needs to make peace. I’m a 70-year-old mother of four and grandmother of nine, so you can assume I speak from experience.
NTA. Your mom was not nice or respectful in the way she spoke to you. Just because she’s your mother doesn’t give her the right to “joke” about not slapping you. Just because she came from an abusive home doesn’t give her a gold medal for not doing all the exact same things to you. You made a really reasonable request and she called you a weirdo for having boundaries? Boundaries are not weird. You were willing to help but just wanted to be communicated with directly and maturely.
Thank you! I wouldn’t say she’s not nice, just that she has her moments yk…
NTA
It’s called parentification – when a child is expected to act like a parent to their siblings.
But your mother doesn’t seem to care much. It’s very sad, especially if you can see her treating your siblings with love.
Is there a chance that you can sit with her without Phil and tell her how you feel? It’s worth a try to mend things as you have to live there for another 2 years legally.
She makes jokes about me being the third parent a lot, just never knew it had a name to it. She treats us pretty equally.
But I honestly would rather not talk to her about this simply because I feel like I can’t go to her about stuff like this.
I’m a mom who raised two teenage girls (now both in their 30s). Your mom is being petty AF. It is always the parent’s responsibility to re-open communication. As for watching your sibs, if you’re not doing anything or hanging with friends, I’d expect you to do it as part of the family. Parents do plenty of inconvenient or unpleasant things all the time, it won’t kill you. BUT, her response is garbage and not feeling loved sucks, that is not okay. I’m sorry 😔
I dont talk to my mom very much after moving out. I dont attend any family dinners or really associate with them either, and its ok that I dont want to, I dont have to.
Just saying. Toxic is toxic. Once your moved out, your free.
NTA. You’re mother is being verbally abusive.
NTA. You are her child and she lacks the emotional maturity to handle conflict. You have every right to be upset and your mom should have talked about what happened soon after instead of treating you like this. The silent treatment is never a good idea, but in your case I’m guessing you first need your mom to validate what happened to give you the assurance that she can provide emotional safety.
Also, Phil seems to egg her on, which increases the toxicity. Ideally, we should feel safe (emotionally and physically) with our caregivers, but not all adults can provide that. You’re learning it the hard way now, but you can’t count on your mother to provide a nurturing or loving environment 100% of the time. Are you able to talk to a counselor or a therapist? They can help you learn tools to navigate a relationship with her. I sincerely hope you have other adults in your life who you trust. Please know you are worthy of love and your mom’s behavior is not a reflection of you.