Throwaway account, also on mobile so sorry for typos!
my sister (26f) got married last month. I (32f) was originally apart of her bridal party as a bridesmaid. Obviously, as her big sister I was extremely happy for her and played a big role in the planning over the past year.
For the past five months I have been seeing a really great guy (25m). It’s a serious relationship and we’ve even begun to think about marriage ourselves. After a couple months of dating I told my sister about him and showed her a few pictures. She immediately became upset and told me that my boyfriend was mean to her in high school. Supposedly, he and his friends used to call her names and made an instagram account dedicated to “bullying” her. I never heard her talk about this growing up. When I asked my boyfriend about it he said he didn’t even talk to her in high school.
I don’t know why he would lie to me especially when I told him I would be understanding if it were true. I told my sister she must be mistaken but she insisted that my boyfriend is her high school bully.
As the wedding approached, I RSVP’d with my boyfriend as my plus one. My sister called me the next day and said that he was not allowed to come to the wedding or any of the other celebrations. I tried to reason with her since she wasn’t screening anyone else’s plus one’s but she can be stubborn.
Eventually, after some back and forth I decided to drop out of the bridal party and not attend the wedding. My family and of course my sister are all very upset with me, but I feel like I’m doing the right thing standing with my boyfriend. AITA?
Yeah YTA
Number 1- 5 months is not a long time at all. I definitely wouldn’t have plus ones for that short a relationship, no matter how much you believe it’s going to last.
Number 2- you just believed him, no checking, nothing. Your sister, yknow, the one you’ve known the last 26 years, has told you he bullied her. And you asked and believed him. Someone you’ve dated 5 months. The very least you could’ve done is tried to find out if it’s legit.
Number 3- at the end of the day, it’s your sisters prerogative to not have someone there at a day meant for her and her partner, is that really the hill you wanted to die on?
YTA, you chose a guy you’ve been seeing for less than half a year over your own sister. Also why are you dating someone that’s younger than your little sister?? Weird choices all around
Yes! You skipped your sister’s wedding for a guy you’ve known for five months!! Even if she’s mistaken, she still gets to decide who’s at her wedding. It would be different if he was your husband. If your boyfriend believes she is mistaken, he should’ve still encouraged you to go. Hopefully you marry this guy because your sister may not be around anymore.
YTA. You don’t know why he would lie? He lied because he didn’t want to admit to bullying your sister and have you dump him for being an asshole. Are you really so desperate for a boyfriend that you’d delude yourself that it wouldn’t say anything about him if he was a bully?
YTA – weddings are expensive. Wanting a plus one for a 5 month relationship makes you an asshole to begin with.
Maybe it’s a case of mistaken identity, maybe your boyfriend is lying…either way, your sister’s wedding should not have been the place to take a stand.
The bride has the right to not allow certain people are her wedding, you had the right to not attend, but you just seriously damaged your entire relationship with your sister and the rest of your family
YTA, falling so hard for a younger bully boyfriend of 5 months is really a choice, I wouldn’t talk to you again if i were your sis.
YTA. You chose your 5-month old infatuation over your own sister? Even after she told you he bullied and harassed her? You need to set your priorities straight.
YTA. I’m seriously disappointed in you and I’m not even related to you. Your boyfriend would have been fine if you’d have gone on your own. I hope you apologize to your sister and that you understand if she’s slow to forgive.
yta and way to immature to get married. you skipped your sister’s wedding for someone you’ve known for five months. you don’t know why he would lie? probably so you don’t break up with him. your sister’s accusations paint him as abuser material, not saying he can’t change but the fact that you’re relationship is on a fast track raises a red flag. slow down.
YTA. Major one. You chose a guy you’ve been dating for 5 months over your sister. You chose a man who most likely tormented your sister through high school, and who most likely lied to you about that torment. Have fun with your new bf I guess.
YTAH, he made a social media page to BULLY HER online, i cannot imagine the hell that must have been for her…… and not only are you continuing to date him, you’re skipping her WEDDING for him. In what world does someone mix up someone who bullied them to THAT extent with someone else? You’ve known him for 5 months but think he wouldn’t lie to you…. ppl are in relationships for years and still never truly know their partner. Drop the boyfriend and go grovel for your sister back. Hopefully you can save the relationship that actually matters here.
YTA.
You don’t know why a person would lie when their girlfriend asks if they bullied her sister in high school? Really? Nothing comes to mind? Let’s consider which scenario is more likely: your sister decided, for ??? reasons, to make up an elaborate lie about someone you started dating, to achieve…idk, unclear; or someone bullied your sister in high school and you, by then an adult, were not super attentive to the details of her life at school. Yup, that’s a real head-scratcher /s
Regardless, 32 is WELL past the age to be putting the word of some dude you’ve known for 10 minutes over your sister (unless she’s a known liar, which I’m assuming she isn’t, because otherwise your post would’ve definitely mentioned it). I hope the 25-year-old d is worth it because you’ve definitely seriously damaged your relationship with your sister.
YTA and you need to grovel if you want your sister or your family to get past what an ah you’ve been.
YTA
Either your bf is lying. Or he is named and looks very much like someone who bullied your sister. Or your sister is an absolute drama queen who makes stuff up and destroys relationships for fun.
You should have asked your sister more questions, checked with her school friends etc to find out the truth instead of just blindly believing someone you barely know over someone you’ve known your whole life. Why would you know about her issues at school when you are so much older?
What would your sister gain by lying about being bullied by him? Nothing that I can see.
What would your bf gain by lying about being your sisters bully? A continuing relationship with someone he has successfully just isolated from her family. This is a classic first step for abusers.