Disclaimer, English is my third language, im learning a fourth right now so my writting might be very confusing and i might not use paragraphs correctly for that i am sorry.
I (F15) and my mother love each other, that i know. she’s amazing but she does stuff i hate sometimes…but i love her and she does alot of very nice things for me.
When I was 11, she started comparing me to other kid my cousins, friends, and her coworkers’ children. It hurt me, but she never acted like it was wrong and later forgot about it, so I thought it was a normal and healthy thing for mothers to do. Around that time, I started middle school and my grades were amazing, never below 16/20 in any subject. However, by the third year, my mental health got much worse for reasons I couldn’t identify, and it affected my focus, energy, and ability to do things. My grades were still okay, but in subjects I disliked I dropped from 16 to around 12/20, and in Arabic, math, and physics they fell a lot, to about 4–8/20 compared to previous years. This made my mom very angry, and she started comparing me even more.
In my last year of middle school, my grades dropped and I sometimes cheated just to pass. Now in my second year of high school, I suspect I may have undiagnosed ADHD or autism im not saying it cuz its trendy im saying that because im sure i have at least SOMETHING. but bringing it up to my mother only caused fights, as she insists it’s impossible because I can speak and I’m her child. This worsened my mental health, making me feel like I was 11 again during puberty and middle school, and the decline brought back serious thoughts abt you know what that i almost acted on 3 times.
I love my mother but she keeps saying stuff like "i wish i had a daughter that loved me", "i wish my daughter would always be on my side" "I wish you were as smart what do other kids have that you dont?" ect… plus she keeps fighting with my dad over stupid stuff and im not gonna shy away from saying that she is the reason number 1 for almost ALL of those fights so i defend my dad but she gets mad at me then. im just very confused about what she wants cuz one day she parades me around and other days she tells our family and coworkers that i disrespect her or that im not smart, or that im too distracted to the point where some of her friends DEFENDED ME instead of my mother. is that normal? AITA for fighting with my mom about this and not living up to the reputation of my mom and the one she wants me to have?
Not being an ***hole. It’s hard being a parent, but your mom should try to support you in every way possible. Whether that’s school, your mental health, physical wellbeing ext. That’s what parents are for. I’m sorry you feel such a weight on your shoulders as a kid to self diagnose and deal with these issues. I would try talking to your mom and dad more and try to build that relationship. It may be hard, but they’re your biggest support system at the end of the day. Hope you get the love and support you need 🙂
NTA. Should you try your hardest in school? Absolutely. For your own future more than so your mom can put you on a pedestal. But I’ve never met anyone who’s grades magically got better because their parents(or anyone) tore them down. Publicly or privately.
One piece of advice is to keep in mind that this sort of thing doesn’t get better. Don’t kill yourself thinking ‘if I just do this she’ll stop’ because she won’t. People who do this never do. Look up grey rocking – it’s a method that might help.
You deserve so much better than this.
thank you so much for your kind words but idk if grey rocking would be good, it’s kind of for abuse and i dont think my mom’s abusive, plus i tried it without knowing what it is and it didn’t really do anything. I just think she has anger issues and pressure cuz she’s a bit of a celebrity, plus apparently my grandma, my mom’s mom was alot worse