I (31F) have worked w B (28F) at a popular nightclub for about 5 years now. We became great friends the first year we worked together and have been since. I also involuntarily became responsible for club event decor after our last party in November so for the Christmas & NYE parties it largely fell on me to order & put up decor. I mainly work in a different position now than B & one of the other girls in my position was out of town for most of December so instead of my usual 3-4 shifts a week I was doing 5-6 for most of the month. I specifically requested off January 1-2 so I could finally have some time to myself after the holiday craze since I haven’t had 2 nights off in a row in almost 2 months (if you don’t work in nightlife this is crucial so you’re not wasting the one day sleeping in late and catching up on chores, responsibilities, etc).
Friday the 2nd B texts me 3 hours before her shift saying her dad is being rushed to the hospital and asks me to cover her. I’ve already put in almost 35 hours at the club opening Mon-Wed nights on top of being there all day NYE to decorate for the party. I am sooo drained at this point from being at the club lately, my plan was to rot for these 2 days and not respond to any texts. I tried to politely decline by saying I couldn’t bc it would put me in OT (my club doesn’t allow OT). She says she’ll get approval w management so then I say I’m also not feeling well and after more back and forth I finally just said that I was really sorry about the situation w her dad but I truly did not have the energy or the mental capacity to be there since I had to work a 10 hour shift the next night as well. Almost every other time she’s asked me for a swap or to cover her bc she’s not feeling well or cramping I do, even when I am absolutely drained I’ve pushed thru bc she’s my friend and I wanna help her out, but I also feel like I never get the same reciprocation whenever I need a cover or swap from her.
Anyways she responds saying that she’s trying to understand but she’s really disappointed in me. I apologized again and explained to her how much time & energy I’ve put into that place lately and wished her dad well. She got her shift covered by someone else that night and her dad is okay, it was a false alarm and he’s out of the hospital now but she hasn’t spoken to me since. I feel bad that the timing just really inconveniently coincided w an unfortunate situation but I don’t think I should feel bad for feeling mentally and physically drained from being overworked. She’s been there way longer than me so ik she understands that. I also feel like she’s expecting more from me as a coworker bc we’re friends which idt is really fair to me but maybe I just need a different perspective. So AITA for not working for her that night?
NTA, but hopefully you learned your lesson: next time, you respond “sorry, I can’t.” Even if you’re friends with the person, a coworker asking you to cover a shift is not owed an explanation why you aren’t going to do it.
I truly thought about not responding and just acting like I didn’t see it in time but then I’d feel guilty still for being a bad friend
Well I’m glad you didn’t do that; if you had, then you would have been the AH imo. She *is* owed a response ASAP, so that she can start working on plan B. The response just doesn’t have to include an excuse/justification.
Nope, that’s how you dodge it.
NTA
In the future, don’t answer, or reply to, calls or messages from coworkers on your days off.
This is the way
This was honestly my first mistake; I usually don’t but since she’s a friend I felt like I had to
Don’t make that mistake twice. If you had waited a couple hours to reply, she would have moved along and found someone before then.
NAH, but…what did you expect? You had a healthy boundary and stuck to it…good for you. She was in crisis mode and turned to her friend for help and she gets to be upset that her friend wasn’t there for her.
Nta but that doesn’t mean you can skip the consequences of your choices. You’re not obligated to take a shift. Your friend is well within her rights though to reevaluate her friendship with you. It doesn’t sound like she’s abused favors in the past and you can’t just switch between calling her a friend and a coworker whenever it suits you.
I mean from a coworker point of view NTA
If she’s a Work Friend NTA
But if your genuinely friends then yeah kinda an ah
Did you have any obligation to cover her? No. But if my friends DAD was in the hospital I’m not saying no because I want to chill. Friendship comes with some inconvenience.
If I was her I wouldn’t consider you a friend anymore, you would be strictly in the coworker category.
NAH
I would be pissed if I were she. Dad was in the hospital.
Your mistake was answering the text. Your second mistake was giving any reason and continuing to argue. I have diarrhea. I’ll help you find coverage.
NTA. You were tired. Anyone who has ever worked as a server knows how loooong the month of December is. We’re all exhausted and looking forward to some slack. She’s being unreasonable.