One day at university, my friend Ariana and I finished our lecture as usual, so we called our other friend, Emma, to check on her and meet up as we always did. She didn’t answer, so we went to a café. When we got there, we saw her sitting with another girl, and they both looked at us with surprise. Then Emma started asking, "Why didn’t you call me?"
Anyway, we ignored it at the time. But when I got home, I was a little upset, so I sent a message in the group chat: "Emma, are you mad at us?" She said, "No, why?" So I said to her, "Then why are we the ones calling you and trying to reach you, and you don’t text or contact us after your classes?"
I don’t know how the situation suddenly changed from a friendly conversation to her turning the tables and making herself the victim. She started bringing up things where she claimed she was the one who was wronged and that we were in the wrong, just to justify her actions, to the point that she was saying things that never happened.
Then she left the group.
My friend Ariana quickly messaged her privately to apologize, but I didn’t speak to her at all… I cut off all contact with her.
AITA?
You tried to reach her, she ghosted and then gaslit you when you checked in. Cutting contact sounds like a solid boundary here. Friends who make you feel like the bad guy for literally doing what friends do aren’t worth chasing after.
Sigh, classic uni stuff. She was mad but not mature enough to communicate it, et voila, this happened. NTA – sometimes the people you care about act like idiots. I hope you patch it up, but if not, these things happen.
Yeah I tried to communicate, bc she once told me to, even tho I’m not used to that but I tried for her
ESH you didn’t really come at her trying to have a conversation, you asked if she was mad then came at her with “well you don’t do this and that.” Like of course she’s going to feel defensive.
Obviously your friend is an AH too if she’s relying on you guys to always initiate plans
So we’re both AH?
Let it go, not important, not particularly mature. These things happen .
Unanswered questions here.
I’m assuming you all have cell phones?
When you called and she didn’t answer, did you leave a message? There is this thing called voicemail.
When she didn’t answer, did you sent her a message, either directly to her phone or to your group chat to let her know your plans?
Rather than just have a laugh about missed signals, your conversation with her started with an accusatory tone, so there is more to this story than you are presenting.
she was saying things that never happened
If you really need a gaslighter in your life than go apologize. If you want peace, move on.
All of you are supposedly adults or, at least, approaching adulthood.
If you have a problem or concern, speak to the other person *face to face*.
If they’re a friend – or you think they’re worth your friendship – they’re worth in-person interaction.
Drop the phones, drop the texts.
ESH for immature drama.
ESH for sure. Lol. This whole thing sounds dumb and ridiculous. She probably missed the call or something, and then when you asked if she was mad she said no, but you continued to make a big deal out of it. Her escalating it was not cool, but this whole thing got blown way out of proportion.
Real friends make an effort for you.