Whenever my family has get togethers or parties they get very loud, the house has high ceilings so that doesn’t help either. Gatherings usually last 5hrs up to all day.
I have auditory sensory issues and PTSD so yelling/louding talking makes me shut down or highly uncomfortable.
When I get overwhelmed I usually go back into my bedroom to cool off and watch a movie so my overstimulation isn’t anyone else’s problem. (30mins to a few hours)
A few family members have asked my wife where I went and she tells them that I went to have a break. Some of them say I am rude for it and should spend time with the family and that I need to get over my problems.
YTA. 30 minutes to a few hours is too much. By all means go take 15 minutes to get centered but the amount of time you are leaving is inconsiderate to both your company and your wife.
Yeah 30 minutes is already on the long side of things. But hours? That’s extreme. I get overwhelmed by my family too, I get it, but locking myself away and watching a movie while leaving my other half to deal with my family? Absolutely not.
A few minutes for a bathroom break or going into the garden to throw a stick around with the dog? Fine.
If I really felt the need to be gone for so long, I’d find an excuse to leave early, or not attend so frequently- though maybe that’s difficult for the OP as it sounds like they are living at the family home.
NTA. I have sensory processing issues and a loud family too. I can’t imagine PTSD on top of that. A few hours is pushing it, but taking 30 minutes to decompress is perfectly valid. I often disappear into my mom’s spare room during family things, but do try to keep it to less than 30 minutes. Maybe stick to watching a sitcom episode or a yt video.
NTA for taking a break but “a few hours “isn’t a break. That’s leaving the event. I would suggest take shorter but more frequent break so you don’t reach the point of being overwhelmed.
Sound reducing ear plugs like loop or flare may also help in lowering the sensory imput.
NTA. If you reach your limit and need to cool off that’s ok. Other people should be more considerate.
NTA
I have MS, so I know exactly what you are dealing with when it comes to being overstimulated. It sounds like your wife has your back which is amazing.
You are doing nothing wrong my friend.
Stay strong and keep being you
Taking a break is a common thing in my extended family … when we are all together there is a lot of loud talking. It’s normal for someone to go off and “recharge” for an hour or two when needed. Sounds like your family needs to learn some empathy for others.
Edited: Sorry, forgot to put: NTA
A “break” is 30 minutes max. Anything more than that and it is being rude to the wife and the guests that are visiting. (This excludes if it’s a girls type visit with the wife and her friends, then you can disappear the whole time.)
I would say if you know it’s a 5 or 6 hour visit, plan about half way through to take a 30 min break. Go to the room, center and ground then return.
If its an all day event( 8am to 8 pm type) split it up and take either two 30 minutes or four 15 min breaks. Which ever may benefit more.
NTA! My husband also tends to get people’d out by crowds and noise.
Is there a way you can break off and get some quiet but still be involved? Like playing a board game in a quieter room with 2-3 other family members. Or doing a jigsaw puzzle. There has to be at least one other family member that would like a quieter room to escape to as well.
Anyone that tells someone to just “Get over” their issues, regardless of what they are, is an AH. Everyone deals with things in their own way. You have found a coping mechanism that works for you and that’s nobody else’s business. Next time someone says get over it, tell that person to FATWO!
5 hours is not all day? Oh boy. I would never make it in your family. NTA and stop caring what judgmental family members have to say about what you know is right for you.
NTA
Not everyone enjoys hours of loud, people-intense gatherings. Even those who don’t have auditory sensitivity or PTSD.
The point of getting together is NOT to complete a marathon, no matter how unpleasant. It’s not insulting to the others to have your own limit for how much and how long you can interact with them before you need a break. It’s just what is right for you.
People who care about you and want to share time with you will work with you to make things as comfortable for you as possible and to foster happy interactions within your comfort level. People who want you to prove that you care about them are actually not caring about you.
Do what you need to do without guilt.
NTA. I have a HUGE extended family, but I’m an only child. So when we’d get together for events ever since I was a kid, I’d break off after a few hours to an empty room. It got to the point where after a few years where my close cousins knew if they hadn’t seen me for a little bit, to go looking for me. And I’d typically be reading or playing my game boy