Throwaway for privacy and fake names.
This involves myself (30F) and my once close friend Rachel (29F).
Some background – I started distancing myself from Rachel early last year. I really like her as a person, but she is just not a great friend, and our relationship felt very one sided. She flakes on every plan that we make. She takes weeks to reply to very simple yes or no questions. She never checks in. She vents to me about stuff (which is totally fine) but she doesn’t listen when I want to talk. I put a lot of effort into our friendship and it just wasn’t reciprocated, so I pulled back a bit. I had a lot of health problems last year and just didn’t have the energy to keep putting myself out when I wasn’t being treated with respect.
The issue – I told Rachel in late 2024 that I was moving out of state early this year. I have mentioned it several times throughout 2025 when we talked, as well as made a few comments on Social Media that I was moving, so she is well aware. I only saw her once in 2025 because again, we would make plans and she would flake the day of almost every single time. I slowly stopped making plans because I didn’t see the point. I tried one last time in November, saying I’d really like to see her. We made plans, and an hour before she texted me saying she was in a funky mood, but that she missed me. I decided that was kind of it. I was busy wrapping up my program, getting my house ready, and seeing people who actually made time for me.
I moved in January and we are getting settled in. I posted a picture on Instagram of me and my best friend by the water. Rachel reached out the other day asking where I was at in the picture. I told her I was back home and we had moved in January. Rachel got really upset. Saying I should have told her, that she was upset she couldn’t see me before I left. I explained that she was aware I was moving, that I offered to see her before I left and she flaked, and that she normally ignored my texts for weeks at a time so I wasn’t really sure what a personal announcement would have down. She was furious and told me I was an asshole and we kind of left it at that.
NTA – you \*did\* tell her you were moving. You \*did\* try to get together with her before you left.
Continue to spend time with people that actually want to spend time with you.
I was totally ready to call you TA just by reading the title but the thing is you did tell her and give her opportunities to hang out (which she flaked on). It also sounds like she never messaged you to hang out despite knowing that you were going to move. NTA.
Nta, Rachel is honestly a bad friend, and you would probably be better off cutting her of completely until she can figure out how to be better. You gave her a chance to see you before you left and she basically spat in your face.
When someone flakes on plans they are telling you that you are not worth their time and they dont care about wasting yours.
NTA. What would it even have mattered? It sounded like she didn’t want to see you off anyway.
NTA
She’s not actually your friend. Don’t owe her anything
Definitely NTA, I have had similar situations happen. As you get older you start to keep the good friends closer, and let the bad friends go.
NTA. She has checked out a while back, but wanted you to be available. This behavior seems selfish, especially after you told her numerous times that you were going to move.
NTA. She is not your friend. You are her emotional dumping ground. Move on and enjoy it.
NTA. You told her multiple times you were moving and set up plans to get together only to have her cancel them. You weren’t obligated to drop by on your way out of town, you had more important things to attend to than managing both sides of a bad friendship.
Let her be upset. Let her be furious. She’s a flake, not a friend. You only saw her once the whole year. Zero big deal
NTA
NTA. That friendship died a natural death. It was time to put it out of its misery.
NTA…she knew you were planning to move and the timeframe in which that move was expected to occur. You reached out to her to get together and **she** couldn’t be bothered to make the time.
Too bad, so sad.
awww- so she can’t suck your energy away and you’re having fun? NTA- and block her, she hasn’t been your friend in a while