My husband (24M) and I (22F) are newly married and moved to the UK so he could do his master’s degree in London. Last March we moved in with a single mom (39F) and her daughter (9F).
For context, we were paying £1,050 a month for the room and half the bills, while the area average is closer to £700. The main reason was that many house shares don’t want couples, and we also needed space for my husband’s piano. He’s a pianist and needs to practice regularly, and she was one of the only people comfortable with us having a piano in the house.
For the first six months things were genuinely great. And then round September she started dating. Because she didn’t have much money, she would often bring first dates to the house and let them sleep over. At first she would tell us a couple of days in advance, which was fine. But by January I would sometimes come downstairs on weekend mornings and find a man I had never seen before in the kitchen.
Around the same time cleanliness became more of an issue she was always messy but this started becoming a health problem. For example, when we went away for two weeks over Christmas, we came back to find the same dishes still sitting in the sink from the day we left, now covered in mold.
In February we paid £135 less because council tax isn’t charged in February or March, so we assumed that portion wouldn’t apply that month. She became extremely upset and accused us of being “sneaky” and saying many other unkind things. Which really hurt because I saw her as a close friend. She refused to speak to us for a week, and we ended up paying the £135 to keep the peace.
After that the atmosphere in the house felt tense, so we started looking for another place. On February 11th I told her we would start looking and that I’d give formal notice once we signed somewhere. Our agreement ran until June but either of us could give 30 days’ notice at any point.
We found somewhere quickly and I gave official notice on February 16th.
Even though we paid rent until March 20th, we moved out on February 25th. We knew we were paying for time after our notice ended, but we didn’t mind because we considered her a friend. Over the year we had gone camping together, done yoga together, and generally had a good relationship.
Today she sent me a 20-second voice note crying and saying we “screwed her over.” …. Hence this post.
I do feel bad because I care about her and her daughter after living together for almost a year. At the same time, we followed the notice agreement and even paid for time we didn’t need to.
So AITA for never telling her how unhappy we were and just moving out?
If your agreement said you could leave with 30 days notice, and you gave 30 days notice, NTA. She shouldn’t include that provision in the agreement if she doesn’t want people to use it.
Nope, NTA. You were not obligated to engage in the incredibly painful post northern that had zero chance of making anybody any happier and in fact would have made things worse. It goes without saying that if it wasn’t working for you, you were not obligated to stay; at that point it would have moved from a roommate arrangement to an emotional hostage situation.
If she can’t see how her actions may have contributed to you moving, no amount of words will make that happen.
NTA – assuming you had discussions with her about the filth and her reaction to the money and it didn’t change.
(strangers – her house so unless in your space not your business)
NTA. Lady wasn’t your friend and wasn’t thinking of anyone but herself. I worry about her daughter hsving strange men brought into her home. :/
My thought was about her poor kid, too!
Didn’t even think about this, hope it was when the kid was at their dad’s…
Often no….
There is so many other things about this I could say. Like sometimes housemate would stay up until 5 am, and then not take her to school the next day and wont wake up until 3pm. I ended feeding the kid a few times and taking her to school even though not my business.
NTA – A lot if the things you mentioned are things that everyone would find unacceptable. Letting dishes sit so long that they started to grow mold is disgusting. Also, letting random ppl stay overnight without asking is something most would not like. She took a risk with her behavior and it backfired. Maybe it would have been nice to tell her explicitly that you didn’t like these things but that also could have just increased the tension while you were still stuck living with her.
NTA
Send her a voice note, crying, telling her how unhealthy and unsafe she was making y’all and the living conditions in her home.
NTA. You told her you were planning to move and then found a place. Your housemate didn’t care if you were happy because your happiness didn’t factor into any of her choices.
NTA you gave her the notice that was required in the contract. She sounds like an annoying and towards the end a mean housemate.
Did you definitely check that the council tax is on a 10 month plan, and not a 12 month plan?
She was your landlord who you became friendly with. You may have considered her your friend but did she consider you hers? She may have considered you as friendly tenants as it benefitted her.
As she was your landlord, no explanation for leaving was necessary. You went beyond your contract when leaving which was kind of you. You will probably not be in contact with them again so move on with your life.
Her contacting you like that is just to make you feel bad she has to go find another tenant. She is feeling sorry for herself because you were so nice to her and she doesn’t know if she will find that in her next tenant.
NTA.