I (30F) have a SIL "Riley" (14F). I’ve been in her life since the day she was born, and we’re very close. Riley is going through a bit of a difficult stage right now – lots of fighting with her parents and not always making the best choices.
So I took Riley out for some "girl time". We had some sweets and I got her to tell me about what she’s feeling. This is nothing new, she often opens up to me about things that she doesn’t tell others. I didn’t tell her what to do, I just gave her somebody to talk to about everything she’s feeling. There was nothing concerning or alarming in what Riley told me, so I did not repeat her words to my MIL.
My MIL is mad about this. She says that she a right to know what’s going on in her daughter’s life and that I need to tell her. I explained that she didn’t say anything alarming or concerning, it was just teenage girl stuff and I’m not going to break Riley’s trust by repeating it. MIL says I’m the adult and I shouldn’t be "playing the secret game" with her daughter.
AITA for not telling my MIL what my SIL said?
NTA. Riley needs to tell somebody her feelings and if you go telling MIL you break that trust she has in you. Unless there is danger or something extremely concering happening in Riley’s life, MIL doesn’t *need* to know.
Agree 💯 Riley needs a safe space and I’m so happy you are able to provide her with that. MiL doesn’t NEED to know the details of her life unless there is danger for herself or others. I would be careful not to alienate MiL- she may take away access to Riley out of spite.
NTA! It’s great that Riley feels so comfortable with you
NTA
NTA! It’s important that you continue to be a safe space for Riley to share her thoughts and emotions
NTA
NTA. Not your info to give.
I had same relationship with step-daughter. We clicked like a house on fire. I always told her ‘I’ll never tell Papa but if it’s serious enough, we’ll figure out a way to tell him and I’ll be right there to support you if you need it.
We were lucky though, he never pried, trusted my judgement, and let girls be girls.
NTA – but for future reference next time you speak with Riley let her know that you will have her back UNLESS she gives you a reason to feel concerned that she might be a danger to herself, others or that someone else is putting her in danger. Think of it like the mandatory reporting script.
And if you WERE to share, you’d talk her through who with and what that might look like.
I have done the reverse with my 13 yo and one of my close girl friends – they get along really well, and as a single mum, I want her to have other trusted adults. I’ve said that what they share is their business, unless the grownup is worried – then we work together. We don’t keep secrets but we do hold “stuff” – that’s our family (blood and choice family) rule.
NTA. Riley is lucky to have you. You can tell MIL that if there is ever anything dangerous you will speak up. And likewise if Riley ever says anything truly concerning you need to tell her you have to get her some help. But short of that you are a safe space for a teenager, and that’s a precious thing.