I (22M) have been talking to this girl(F25) for a while, and lately things have been really frustrating. For the past 2–3 weeks, we’ve barely spoken each day. It’s a long distance relationship and we haven’t met yet since we live two continents away.
She often complains and has a pessimistic outlook on life, even when problems might be solvable. I try to support her and be there, but sometimes she snaps at me just for trying to help, probably because I’m the person in front of her at the moment. I was once told “just quit your fucking therapy shit i don’t want it” for trying to have a positive outlook to her situation and trying to cheer her up. Wasn’t the first time she has snapped at me unreasonably
Yesterday , I was having a rough night, i couldn’t sleep, since i was feeling unproductive for a week, mentally exhausted and very distant from her since a while and i was trying to be vulnerable and open up to her and I told her I felt like shit. I told her that I got a job and I don’t feel happy about it maybe cause i keep raising the bar for myself and its something i struggle with and neither did i feel celebrated; even my parents barely reacted. I was just trying to be vulnerable and get some support.
Her response was:
“Sorry I didn’t react in the perfect way you wished I did. Next time send me a script.”
It felt sarcastic and dismissive. I replied “wow okay,” and she went offline, didn’t follow up or check in.
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt like she mishandles emotional situations. I’m trying to be present, supportive, and understanding, especially with her mental health struggles, but when I open up, I feel like she either gets defensive, dismissive, or snaps at me.
Now I’m just annoyed and don’t want to initiate conversation anymore. I feel tired of being the emotionally competent one in the dynamic.
Am I expecting too much? Is this just miscommunication, or does this sound like emotional incompatibility? Would love honest perspectives
NTA, but this isn’t a relationship worth holding on to.
Just stop talking to her it’s a online relationship bruh
ldr is already hard enough and now she’s making u feel bad for being vulnerable? i feel like u r carrying the whole relationship on ur back leh. maybe it’s time to rethink if this is actually worth the mental drain…
NTA – This sounds like she’s manipulative and emotionally abusive. I would walk away if I were you
Idk if this counts but when we have disagreements its almost as if her personality switches and she assumes everything i say to be the worst thing when i’m constantly saying “i aint against u this aint me vs u” to deescalate. She gets harsh and emotionless and swears
I’ve started to lose respect and feelings at this point, ive been called the problem before sm in previous relationships this is the first time i think im trying to be a good bf so idk it just throws me off and i cant figure if its something im doing wrong.
In our first few weeks, she had a whole ass crash our cause i called her “pretty” and for some reason it triggered her
NTA and this relationship isn’t worth holding onto
Why hold on so tight to relationships which clearly aren’t ideal? How much lack of compatibility is required to finally realise you’re incompatible?
NTA this isn’t a healthy relationship
NTA. I wouldn’t even consider this being vulnerable, it’s normal human emotions. What I do question is why would you want to continue a relationship with this person? It’s obvious they’re going to weaponize any weakness you ever display and they have no empathy towards you.
I say this gently, seek some therapy, work on your self confidence, and move long if this isn’t what you want.
NTA. Now you know why she has to look halfway around the world for a boyfriend. She’s way too unhealthy to be in a relationship. Best to let this one go.
You aren’t compatible
not to be that guy- but this aint gonna work bud you two arent compatible
Update: I SENT HER A BREAKUP TEXT. I realised how much of this was affecting me by everyone here and thought i’d act on it. This is what i said. Thank you everyone for making me realise this.
I’ve been thinking a lot about us, especially now with both of us working and the time zones making it hard to really connect. I’m starting to feel that the way things are right now isn’t sustainable long term. We barely get quality time, and when we do, we’re often tired or stressed, or arguing . It feels like we’re trying to fit a relationship into gaps instead of truly living it.
I care about you so much, and because of that, I don’t want this to slowly turn into frustration or resentment on either side. I don’t want us to keep pushing something that’s starting to feel strained just because it’s hard to let go.
I think it might be healthier for us to take a step back from being boyfriend and girlfriend and just be good friends for now. Not because you’ve done anything wrong, and not because I don’t value you, but because I don’t feel like I can show up the way a partner should given our schedules and distance.
You deserve consistency and emotional presence, and I want us both to feel supported and happy. I’m sorry, I’m just trying to be honest and protect both of us in the long run. I love you a lot, and this doesn’t mean I’m going anywhere. We’ll still be in touch, just in a way that feels sustainable for both of us.