I did not say thank you to my partner after she had done some chores (cleaning dishes and folding towels) right after she was done with it and she got mad at me because I did not thank her right away. In my mind she was just doing our mundane adult chores that need done, which don’t need thanks all the time. I feel like she was seeking the thank you and just did the chores for gratitude (which she has done before), whereas when I do chores I just do them because they need done and don’t expect any thanks for doing them. Thank you to anyone who replies!
YTA.
My 14 yr old says thank you all the time to anyone.
You can’t even be arsed to say it to your partner.
Your 14 y/o says thank you for everything you do? Ty for folding laundry ty for washing dishes ty for cleaning toilet. All day long child saying thanks you.
It may not be she needs thanks so much as appreciation or acknowledgement. Perhaps you could frame it in your mind that way, so that ‘thankless chores’, don’t need to be quite so thankless?
I don’t think you’re TA for not saying it right away.. However, my husband and I still thank each other for every little thing we do to help, even mundane task. For us, it just helps us keep gratitude at the forefront of our relationship.
Same. I’m so grateful when someone does my laundry and dishes and anything else for me or us or the good of the family.
NTA
i think there is a difference. I thank my hubby randomly at times and bice versa. he doesn’t expect it nor do i, we always knows the other person is grateful when we do things for each other. Having a mandatory thank you session because ur partner might get mad really takes the meaning away from the nice thank yous .
Does she thank you for everything you do?
NTA if chores are split evenly. I can’t imagine thanking my wife every time she did the dishes, or her thanking me every time I did the ironing. It would feel a bit exhausting and false.
If it’s a particularly nice dinner, or a slightly bigger task one of us has asked the other to do, we’d likely say thank you. But for the everyday things that just need done? For us it’s automatic, no thanks required or expected. I would actually find her thanking me for, I dunno, let’s say hoovering, a bit annoying.
Only thing I’ll say is if you stop showing gratitude to one another -even for run of the mill things- you’re increasing the risk of an eventual separation.
NTA. If she were doing your chores, yes of course you thank her. But she’s just doing chores that are a part of living. Lol she has to chill
We thank each other all the time, for routine chores. It’s not ritualistic or false, it’s a small sincere thing. The joy of living together means you don’t have to everything yourself. It’s nice when someone else folds the clothes, so you don’t have to. Or cleans the kitchen, or mops the floor, or whatever. In the UK (outside London!) we even thank the bus driver when we get off. It’s fine to thank people for doing things they’re supposed to do. It’s nice.
My ex husband used to do this. It was because he was a narcissist. Always needing praise and being the center of attention. He wanted to be thanked for everything. Yet never offered thanks when things got done by me or the kids, just criticism. It’s nice to be appreciated but for going above and beyond, not for doing the bare minimum.
It seems weird to me that she needs thanks for doing her chores. Who does that? I don’t thank my husband when he mows the lawn, takes out the trash, etc. Now if it is something unusual like can you help me with this or get this down for me, I certainly would thank him. But if he started thanking me when I did the dishes, vacuumed, etc that would actually get on my nerves. I mean I am cleaning MY home. It’s part of being an adult. I like a clean home and just do it. I do not need accolades for being a clean person.
If thanks makes her happy, why not? Everyone has different love languages.