I 20f have a bday coming up in may. My mother, father, aunt, bf, and two of our friends have all planned a trip for my 21st in May. We have had set dates since early January, and have already booked an Airbnb and requested off for dates. My mother found out recently my brother’s senior prom is the same weekend we planned our trip and wants us to push the trip a weekend back. Since we’ve already discussed moving it back due to a certain Airbnb availability I knew the two friends wouldn’t be able to go if we pushed it back. I asked my mother if she could drive up a day and half late for the trip or drive down and drive back the same day after she sees him off. She doesn’t want to it seems and I feel like an asshole for even asking because it’s his only prom he’s going to. However I know that we’ve already had this planned and set for a little bit and had picked dates intentionally so my two friends could attend as well. They live out of state so we don’t see them often at all. AITA?
Adding this since it is a frequently asked question, they found out the theme, date, and location of his prom yesterday in a school email.
YTA, pick a weekend everyone can go and your mom can be there for your brother for an event that can’t be changed.
OP had her bday weekend booked long before her mom knew the prom date. How is that being an AH?
Because it is 5 months away, has only been booked for a few weeks, and can be moved whereas the prom can’t be. Doesn’t mean she has to be happy about it, but it would be my expectation for her to be at least willing to be more flexible about it than she appears to be.
NTA
Moving your entire birthday, which affects several people, and having to rebook everything for a prom night? Absolutely ridiculous. It’s totally on your mom if she’s picking your brother’s prom over your 21st birthday.
NTA but mom won’t be TA either if she misses your birthday for his prom.
ESH. Why do you want your mom and the rest of your family at your 21st bday? I always thought the 21st bday was one to celebrate with your friends. Keep your plans. Enjoy your bday with your friends and any family that wants to join you. Then, make arrangements to celebrate with your mom another day. Im sure the date of the prom was out for months, if not since the beginning of the school year. Someone should have thought to check before plans were made.
NTA,
HOWEVER.
You should just let your mom miss the trip. You’re 21. Let her be home and you continue your trip as planned.
NTA your 21st birthday is important too and you are coordinating with multiple people for a celebration weekend.
My parents were barely a part of my prom night. Idk why your mom needs to be there and can’t just enjoy pictures of your brother in his suit.
NTA. You have this already planned and everyone else already set their plans by this date. Not your fault brothers prom came up. You mother can come up later after she seems him off. End of story. No youre not being selfish or any other crap anyone gives you.
YTA. You had everything planned and booked for your event. However, your brother also has an important event. Both events are once in a lifetime. You want to have him go through this special occasion alone without anyone celebrating with him? Really?
Your mom made the right choice. You will have people with you. Your brother will have his mom. Do you think that you should get to have everything your way? You are going to be a legal adult, and it is past time to act like it. Stop stomping your foot like a little kid, grow up, and be happy for him.
Absolutely did not want him to go through it alone. That’s why I asked if she could drive up a day late after his prom so she wouldn’t miss his or mine because she wants to be there for both instead of completely rescheduling an already set date and paid for Airbnb. I’m trying to accommodate everyone’s wants and availability but felt bad for even asking her to be a day late since she wasn’t on board to drive out after his prom.
Info: what day is your actual birthday? Is it during the trip?
Yes during the trip
Prom is during the same time frame every year.
ESH for not considering this potential conflict of interest and asking about the date in advance.