Hi everyone, throwaway account.
I (44F) was born and raised in Australia. I was with my ex for 17 years or so; we had two children, Connor (20M) and Lori (18F). I had a relationship after my ex that didn’t go well, so 2 1/2 years ago when my kids were 17 and 15, after a bit of thinking about it, I decided to move to America where my sister Laine (47F) lives and try the dating life here. I gave split custody of my kids to their father (46M) (who my daughter doesn’t get along with as well, but that’s a story for another time) and my mum (82F), and moved to Chicago. I try to call the kids each or together at least once a month for a bit.
Now I’m engaged to Seth (36M), I love him and we’ve been together for a year and a half now.
Anyway, so last month, my mum and Lori came over here for Christmas. It was the first time Lori has seen me in person since I moved two years, mainly due to how expensive it is to travel overseas. They stayed over at Seth’s parents’ (63F & 72M) house (me and Seth’s apartment is quite literally down the street).
During this visit, Lori was surprisingly unpleasant. She sat and talked with the family, Seth’s parents even threw a small early birthday party with his family and Laine’s immediate family as guests, and she was kind enough, but for most of the time she seemed to be rolling her eyes, rude to Seth’s parents, brother and his fiancée, and his cousins, etc, and we took a group photo for Christmas, where she got in the corner and flipped off the camera! It truly was ridiculous. She was being incredibly rude to Seth and didn’t seem to want to get to know him at all. She even hated when she went downtown Chicago with us, something I told her she’ would enjoy. But no, she was for the most part, very unpleasant during the trip, whether it was being cold to us or complaining that she was “too cold”, quite different from the pleasant-to-be-around 15-year-old I’d left in Australia years ago. I tried to talk to her and tell her to be nice and she seemed to respond well to the discipline, but not to the point of full change.
Yesterday I called her for her actual 18th birthday today, and I wished her happy birthday, and she asked if I’d sent anything, because if so she hadn’t got it. It was then I decided to tell her that she was incredibly rude to her new family and thus I didn’t think she had earned anything for her birthday. She started screaming (very rudely) through the phone that I always send her presents, but I told her she needs to respect her new family and then maybe I’ll be more willing to send her things. She hung up and I guess I’ll see if she calls me next month.
I really am sick of her attitude, and I’m going to help pay for her and Connor to come to my wedding this summer and I expect they show up, but given this last trip I don’t know if she’d even want to come. I’m not gonna waste money on her if she keeps up her attitude, which she doesn’t seem sorry for at all.
AITA?
YTA. So you abandoned your teenage kids to go to America to find a nice boyfriend and you wonder why your daughter isn’t thrilled?
YTA. So bc your DAUGHTER doesn’t like your new flancee’s family and didn’t hide it you’re refusing to give her a birthday gift? That’s such a shitty thing to do. She doesn’t HAVE to like your new fiancee or his family and you’re an asshole for punishing her for it
You abandon your kids and leave the country, call your daughter maybe once a month, then when you see her for the first time in 2 years you make her stay with people she doesn’t know?
For that alone, YTA
Why the repost? You abandond your daughter and want to know YTA for not giving her a b-day present. Y still TA.
YTA. You left your children half way across the world so you could widen your dating pool? Called them once/month? Didn’t see them for almost 2 years???
YTA, you abandoned your kids and wonder why after 2 years one is a little bit rude.
YTA. You abandoned your kids. Then instead of spending time reconnecting, you expect your daughter to act like this is her new family and her mom didn’t abandon her?
I pray this is a fake post because abandoning your kids is gross.
YTA. You abandoned your kid. Of course she’s going to act out a little. You are incredibly selfish.
You abandoned your kids, started a new life and are angry your child is acting out and uninterested in YOUR [not her] new family.
Instead of addressing your disappointment and finding out why she behaved that way you’re manipulating her with material goods.
YTA
Two years? TWO YEARS? The first time you see her in two years is to introduce her to everyone so you can show her off, not to spend a lot of time with her? I imagine she came thinking she was going to get a lot of quality time with her mother who she hadn’t seen in TWO YEARS and instead you just treat her as a prop. YOU DIDN’T EVEN LET HER STAY WITH YOU!
YTA
YTA a deadbeat through and through.
YTA, you abandoned your kids in order to find another guy to marry, no wonder your kids are the way they are with you.
How is that even legal, why doesn’t the dad just have full custody. Absolutely no reason why your 82YO mom is involved in any way.
If this post is real (which I can’t think it is), you’re one of the worst people on the subreddit
“Hey Reddit, I abandoned my teenage daughter during formative years of her development and she didn’t handle it well so I punished her, AITA?”
Yes, YTA.
YTA- you abandoned yout children so you could find a new man and you don’t understand why she acted out when you tried to force your new arrangement on her and expected her to behave like a souvenir from back home?????? You need to grow up, stop being selfish and act like a parent by considering your daughter’s feelings instead of treating her like an accessory that you bring out when it is convenient.