I (21F) am moving into an off-campus apartment with one of my best friends, Ana (21F). We’ve always felt very compatible as roommates and communicate well.
Last summer, Ana and other best friend Maria (21F) were working at our university and had a free dorm suite with an extra room. I lived in another city but worked nearby, so I stayed there about 3–4 days a week for my shifts and then drove home. I had my own unused room, bought my own groceries, cleaned up after myself, and tried to be low-impact since I knew I was a guest. They weren’t paying rent (it was part of their job), and I never felt like I had any say in how the space was run.
To be fair, there were definitely little things over the summer that rubbed me the wrong way, but because I was a guest, I swallowed it. If I was ever overwhelmed, I just went home for a few days instead of making it an issue. I don’t think I ever let it affect my attitude toward them.
Later, Ana and Maria roomed together in the fall and had a lot of tension. Ana has a boyfriend, and Maria struggled emotionally with him being around. When she was upset, it was very obvious her mood would shift, she’d act passive-aggressive, and the vibe in the dorm would feel tense. It wasn’t subtle She also didn’t like how often he stayed over (he mostly comes to Ana’s because she’s severely allergic to his cat, to the point that he has uncontaminated cat clothes that stays with her so he can shower and change when he gets to her)
Now Ana and I are moving into our first paid apartment together (either a 2-bedroom or possibly 3-bedroom). Maria asked if she could stay with us for the entire summer instead of going back home. If it’s a 2-bedroom, she’d be on the couch all summer. If it’s a 3-bedroom, we planned to use the extra room mainly as a shared closet/guest space not as a permanent bedroom.
I feel conflicted because:
• I feel guilty saying no since she let me stay with them last summer.
• But I wasn’t there full-time, and there was unused space.
• This would be our first real apartment that we’re paying for.
• She’s previously had visible issues with Ana’s boyfriend being around.
• When she’s upset, it tends to affect the whole household dynamic.
• I know myself, and if tension built up, I’d probably swallow my feelings instead of asking her to leave.
I care about her, but I’ve always known I wouldn’t want to permanently live with her. I’m worried that letting her stay all summer would create resentment and strain the friendship more than saying no now. I wouldn’t even mind her coming and staying a few nights out of the week like Thursday to Sunday, because the city that we live in has VERY large night life and her home is only three hours away.
AITA if I tell her we want the apartment to just be the two of us this summer?
I think you’ve messed up the names? Ana and Maria, then suddenly Sophie and Maya. Are these all different people??
You’re so right I wrote this starting out with real names and when I switched to fake ones, I forgot to go back up and change it.
I think Ana is Maya and Maria is Sophie. But, OP needs to fix it and keep better track of names.