TLDR: my husband is in a wedding that is exactly a month before my due date. I think it’s too close and don’t want him to go
Hi so my husband’s best friend moved away a few years ago. We have travelled together to see him once, and even before being pregnant, it was a tough trip (length of time for the direct flight was 14 hours). I can’t remember which came first, finding out my due date or finding out the date of the wedding, but basically the wedding is exactly 1 month before my due date.
My husband is one of the groomsmen in the wedding. I originally said to him that I would be ok to have him go for 3 days, but now, due to pressure from friends, his trip is 6 days long so he can spend time with his friend while out there. I’ve expressed my concerns because A. I’m already having extreme pains to the point my doctor is having me see physical therapists and chiropractors (I’m only in my second trimester). We have also had friends that have given birth a month early, and some that go past their due date. B. If this wedding was in state, I wouldn’t mind as much, but within 14 hours, a lot can happen.
Maybe it’s selfish as well, but I’m afraid of trying to communicate with timezone differences, as well as obviously it’s a wedding so I know there will be a lot of drinking. I’m also afraid of him just not paying attention to his phone because he’s drunk/partying with friends.
I’ve pointed out that there could be a chance that if something happened, he may not be able to get back in time to be there with me. I’m afraid about him going, but also, if he goes, trying to impose rules like saying, I don’t want him to get too drunk, he needs to have his phone on and loud in case I need to reach out in an emergency, always keeping an eye out on alternate flights home, etc. we have had a few arguments so far about this, but AITA for feeling like he shouldn’t be going?
Biggest arsehole here is the doctor who thinks you should see a chiropractor. Waste of money and probably doing way more harm than good.
Most doctors I know usually recommend health care providers with real education, the ones that practice science based medicine, like PTs. Not quackpots with phds from quack university, who “practice” pseudoscience based on a dream.
Yeah, chiropractors are really unsafe and what they do has no medical backing. The idea of letting them at someone who is that pregnant is nightmarish.
I work in an acute rehab with spinal cord injury patients. Multiple times a year we have patients with injuries from chiropractors. It honestly should be illegal
You said you were fine with 3 days. Your husband needs to tell his friends he can only do 3 days as he has a heavily pregnant wife at home he needs to get home to. If the friends can’t accept that they’re garbage.
yeah this is the correct take, why is no one willing to negotiate (apart from OP)
Oh I have. When we looked at tickets, the timing wouldn’t match up (is what he said). I was hoping he could get a flight and with the timezone differences make it there for the rehearsal dinner the day before and then leave the day after the wedding, but I guess there were no good options? Maybe I’ll take another look
All I can say is my daughter was born a month early.
Had I not been there for her birth I would have been devastated and my wife would have felt abandoned.
How much risk are you both willing to take?
NTA. I found out a month before my due date (aka last Thursday) I have to be induced tomorrow because of gestational hypertension when everything was previously going great. Things change quickly at the end. Absolutely NTA.
NTA. Zipping down and back as fast as he can to make the wedding is one thing, spending 6 days 14 hours away to maximize time with his friend is another. His friend can come visit him and the baby in a few months, but he needs to cut his trip back to the original three days and agree on conditions that would make him cancel the trip (your situation gets worse, your doctor says the baby might come early, you can’t get around on your own).
NTA. Dad brain hasn’t kicked in yet and hubby’s priorities are still way out of whack. Way too far to go so close to due date.
Sure he is probably also, consciously or unconsciously, seeing this as a sort of a last hurrah with friends before family life takes more bandwidth, but still. Times up bub.
Has your husband made any concessions on his end? For example, “How about I only go for 4 days, I’ll have my phone on me at all times and silenced only for the ceremony, I’ll watch my drinking, I’ll check in with you every (X amount of time), I’ll have my mom come by to check on you” etc? A month out is a lot better than 2 weeks out, but you need support during this time too!
NAH. Compromise. He can go, 3 day trip like planned. You have someone stay with you.
Tough one. I’m wavering between ESH and NTA.
He should go for the original 3 days. He isn’t just attending the wedding, he’s part of it. And the odds of something happening in that exact 3 day window are very slim. I think that’s a fair compromise.
If he insists on 6 days, then he’s the AH.
If you insist he can’t go at all, then YWBTA.