Hello! I don’t really know how to word this lol. I (19F) live in university accommodation with 6 other people. I’m on a food card due to my families living situation but I have recently got a job meaning I’ll be staying at my uni accommodation more and over the weekends (which I didn’t do before, I used to go home to see family since I lived abt an hour away, but my job is located where I am now)
I feel like I have no right to complain, since I do not cook regularly and will only be using the kitchen when I have no means to go down to the food hall (it is closed on weekends) but this one girl has her things on the draining board every day!! And she takes up so much of it it’s difficult to put my things on it due to the space that is not available. For reference, she never puts it away as when I go into the kitchen the same stuff I see in the morning will still be there in the afternoon, and it’s all her cups, dishes and pans and pots. I pretty much have to put my things after they are cleaned in the other sink we have and dry them by hand, which I do not mind doing it’s just really difficult as there is also other peoples things drying in that sink on a daily basis.
We have had problems in the kitchen before, due to cutlery going missing and never returned. I myself had to buy new cutlery since all of mine went missing. I was just wondering if I would be the asshole if I sent out a message reminding people to put their things away after use, since the draining board is meant to be shared between 6 people.
I hope I’ve given enough information! AITA
NTA
Just don’t make the mistake of being passive aggressive, a gentle question goes a long way
ESH use your words instead of sending a group message. It’s a bit passive aggressive to send a group chat
NTA talk to her and tell her
NAH because this is the reality of shared space, particularly at uni where people are learning to live by themselves and don’t have mum to do stuff for them.
Have a conversation about it. Ask her nicely to pop her stuff away as you would like to wash up your own stuff. You could even say “at weekends” so it’s doesn’t feel to her like you’re having a big drama about it.
However from experience – you cannot make people do things. And you have no control over her behaviour. You can be nice and kind and respectful of each other, but ultimately if she doesn’t put her stuff away there isn’t much you can do about it. She might not realise that she’s inconveniencing you, but equally she might not consider it very important and might not do as you ask. She might also be leaving stuff to dry with every intention of putting it away but then you arrive home before her.
It is entirely normal for people to carefully stack other people’s washing up into the side if they haven’t moved it, too.
YTA if you “make a complaint” NTA if you ask your roommate directly and politely to please put her dishes back in the cupboard when dry so you can use the dish drainer. Explain just like you did here that now you are here on weekends and have to use the kitchen, you have noticed she uses the drain rack as storage rather than the cupboard.. This is not OK, please be more considerate of me and the rest of the roommates. If rthis does not change her behavior, put the dishes on her bed if they have been in the drainer for more than a day.
Can you ask to make a house rule that the dish drying rack can only be used while actively doing dishes? It makes sense to wash all at once and then dry all at once, but there’s really no reason for the dishes to sit there. They can be dried and put away once washing is finished. Especially in a living space with so many people.
Don’t assume ill intent. A lot of living with other people comes with learning and trial and error.
If you’re worried about coming off as too direct, you could frame it as your situation is changing (with work) and you’ll be using the kitchen more. Otherwise your roommate may wonder where this sudden change is coming from.
NTA but honestly, I’d just get another draining board. You can usually find they pretty cheaply, and sharing 1 board between 6 people can get a little difficult.
Just move her stuff off to the side. Personally, I would buy myself a draining board, and move the other one, dishes and all, off the counter entirely.