I am a gay man currently in college in a relationship with a guy who I met in college. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I mean that seriously. Anyways, we’ve been together for about a year and a half now, I’m still in college and he graduated this summer. After he graduated he got a job in a major city that is not at all far from my hometown, so I decided to move back in with my mom for this school year and finish college here so that we could be together. Things between us have blossomed since. Things with me and my mother on the other hand have not. Since I’ve moved back there have been many scuffles between us and our relationship has been hurt. She doesn’t like my boyfriend, she thinks we’re too young to be in a serous relationship, at one point the idea of me and my boyfriend moving in together came up, which was somthing I wasn’t sure about so I asked her opinion on it. It ended up being a whole argument with her calling me stupid and ungrateful, etc. Then around our one year mark he wanted to ask me to marry him. I knew that he was planning on doing it and I knew the visceral reaction that my mother would have if he had done so, so I told him beforehand that I knew what he was planning and it was not a good idea. And to be fair, I feel it’s too quick, even without my mom’s opinion being a factor. He decided to go ahead and give me the ring- a White Gold Cartier Love ring- for me to wear on my right hand for now, and then on my left when we later on do decide to get engaged. A bit of a strange arrangement I know, but one that works for the both of us. So that leads us to our latest adventure with my mother.
So the other night my mom had some of her friends over for at our house. There were only a few of us there, and I know and love all of them. My mom in front of everyone decided to ask me if she could try on my ring for size. I said no. This ring is not just a piece of jewelry for us, it’s a meaningful commitment to one another- and an expensive one at that. She then proceeded to lose her shit right there infront of everyone. She started calling me “selfish, self absorbed, a little bitch”, etc. She the attempted to forcibly remove the ring from my hand and when I prevented her from doing so, she got even more belligerent. At this point I walked off and did not speak to her the rest of the evening. Several hours later after everyone had gone home and she was getting ready for bed I asked her if she would like to have any further conversation on what had upset her so much earlier. She again just reiterated that I was being selfish. I tried to explain to her the significance behind the ring and the fact that I don’t want anyone other than myself to wear it, and she said that “makes zero fucking sense”. At this point I again just walked off and she called me a “piece of shit” as I walked back to my bedroom. I am the asshole in this situation?
NTA. You need to move out, and to put the ring in a safety deposit box or with yout fiancee before she steals it.
Absolutely NTA. She had zero right to insist that you take off your engagement ring, let alone let her wear it.
Given your description of your mother, I wouldn’t trust what she might do once she got possession of the ring.
What mom calls her child names like this and behaves so horribly towards them? I’m sorry, but she’s got some serious issues. Please move as far away from her as you can for your own mental safety.
NTA but I think you should have your boyfriend keep the ring for you at his place until you move out. I’m willing to bet that your mother will steal your ring; she already tried to yank it off your hand.
NTA. It was also perhaps a rash decision to transfer schools and move in with your mother to foster a relationship of less than a year.
Yeah that’s totally fair, transferring home was already something that I had been considering prior to my boyfriends graduation (the school we were at was pretty remote and I was getting tired of it), and then when he decided to move that was kind of the final straw if you will in making my decision.
NTA. Your mom, however is a major one. She doesn’t approve of your relationship due to homophobia or other reasons, and I suspect if she had gotten her hands on the ring she would have run to the toilet and flushed it. There’s no other reason I can think of that would explain the intensity of her reaction.
She is the one being selfish and acting like an entitled b**ch. She asked, it was denied, and now she needs to deal with it. You did not give your consent, and rhen she put her hands on you and tried to force you. I am sure she wouldn’t like it if she was asked something, did not give consent, and then the person tried to force her to do something. We all know what that sounds like.
I don’t think she respects you (or herself for that matter…acting like that in front ify people). I’d move from there. As an adult, you have choices. You don’t have to accept that kind of treatment, even from your mom. And I say this as a mother to 3 adults and one grandchild. If I ever disrespected one of my children like that, I hope they tell me off. I didn’t raise them to accept that crap from anyone…. Not even me.
NTA, make sure you lock your bedroom door at night to stop her from robbing it off of you while you sleep.
Nta. Thats fucking weird. She’s weird. And projecting a shit ton. She’s the one being selfish. Its your ring. Its a special thing for you. She can’t handle that. She can’t handle that she’s not also getting something special. What she’s showing is selfishness and jealousy which, coming from a queer who also had a jealous and selfish mother, is fucking dangerous. I’m not saying your mom is as bad as mine, she probably isn’t its a pretty high bar to reach, but a parent who is jealous of their child is a dangerous thing. Be on your guard.
If she’s paying for your schooling I’d shut the hell up and keep my head down while it’s charging. If she’s not why are you continuing a relationship with someone who literally treats you like shit that’s at the bottom of her shoe.
NTA. You should probably move out of your moms and in with your partner. Not only will it test compatibility with you guys so that you both can be ready for marriage, you can also get away from your mother, because she sounds like a mess and a half…