I (34f) grew up with two sisters. NS (Narcissistic sister) 36 and LS (Little sister) 32.
To make a long story short, NS has always been narcissistic, abuser and bully. She bullied me terribly for so many years because I am borderline autistic and don’t share the same interests as her. LS would often follow her lead (mostly because NS would be intimidating) and so I was often outcasted from the sacred sister group. This lead me going through years of depression and questioning my existence, leading to some very dark moments for me. I can’t go through details on here because I think I might end up breaking the rules, so maybe in the comments I can.
Years later I am doing alot better. I keep my distance from NS, blocked her on my phone (not that we really spoke much) and my relationship with LS, whilst not perfect has improved….only when NS isn’t around. Nowadays I often hang out with my friends group and began socialising even more. In fact im heading to a secret Santa gathering later today to exchange gifts and have a couple drinks.
Anyway, let me get to the point….
NS still remains the terrible person she is, and has not only been abusive towards me, but also our parents and even LS at times. She always carries that negative aura around her and everyone is starting to notice, even people from outside our family. She once ruined a Mother’s Day tea party I worked hard to make for our mother, never bothered apologising for it and even went as far to drive our mother to come home early from a holiday trip she took out there with her and her family. Yeah, that bad!
So this year we’re going to have a big gathering of our family and already NS has started her usual abuse towards our parents, which means she is most likely going to make the atmosphere very awkward or a damper. The thing is, she has kids who we’d be happy to have coming since they are very sweet and well behaved. I adore my nieces and nephew. But I honestly cannot stand their mother.
So yeah, AITA for not wanting my narcissistic sister coming to ours for Christmas?
Info – Are you the host?
As a host you decide who to invite. If you’re not the host it’s not your call to make. If it’s only about your feelings, you’re free to feel like not wanting someone around.
Do you have any idea how NS became the way she is?
NTA for disliking your sister and not wanting to be around her. But would be TA to your niblings. if your sister is horrible to everyone in her life, you should do all you reasonably can to support those children.
You are very much an adult and can defend your self against your sister’s verbal abuse and bullying. if you are hosting you can lay down and enforce ground rules. if are also a guest you can walk away or even ignore her.
YTA. If you are not the host, which sounds like you are not, then the only boundary you can set is “I won’t come if she comes”. Also it’s silly to expect her to send her kids but not to come.
She is what she is but you can’t make others do something, you can only decide what you will do.
NTA for not wanting to see your sister over the holidays but you can’t insist everyone doesn’t see her. The best you can do is express that you don’t want to see her and ask if the rest of the family would consider not inviting her. If they aren’t comfortable with that there’s not anything more you should do. If she attends then excuse yourself and let the family know you won’t be attending because she is. It will s$ck to miss the family gathering but it isn’t worth the misery to go. Over time the family may come to the same realization you have, it sounds like they already know she can be difficult.
NTA.
but it’s time for you to stand your ground. you need to tell her that she’s not invited, and if she comes then she’ll be asked to leave.
I know it’s scary to face your abuser but, if there’s anything that we can learn from George McFly, once you stand your ground and face your abuser, it’ll get easier and easier and she will no longer so “powerful” in your eyes.
NTA. You can want whatever you want. If you are hosting the gathering don’t invite her, you could go as far as inviting her husband/ex-husband/baby daddy and the kids if you want but I doubt they show up.
If you are not hosting there’s not a whole lot you can do. You can choose not to attend if you don’t want to be in her presence. You can even tell the hosts that you will not attend or you will be leaving if/when your NS shows up. I’m curious how your parents treat her. Itheres a couple families I know it seems like the parents bend over backwards for the adult child that’s a problem. It’s weird because it seems the worse the kid treats them the more the parents seem to try to make them happy. I just wondered if your parents do that
Info: Whats the actual conflict here? You are banning her? Are you making people choose between spending the day with you or her?
If you’re trying to ban her, who’s hosting?
Or do you just want your feelings validated?
Sorry but it really depends on who is the host for the gathering. As they are the ones who have the final say on the guest list. If it’s you, then you’re fine and can decide what you want. If it’s not and someone else is hosting, then it’s not your call.
If it’s that big a gathering, can’t you just avoid her? I don’t get along with my brother’s wife, so if we are both at a family gathering, I just pretend she’s not there and she ignores me, too. My parents are disappointed in me, but I tried my absolute best with her, and she is just impossible.