I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia since I can remember honestly, and was diagnosed in high school. Even after therapy and recovering from an eating disorder, my intrusive thoughts about my appearance never fully stop. Sadly even though I’m in my mid (to upper) 20s, one bad photo (posed or candid) can still send me spiraling even on days I otherwise feel okay.
My fiancé and I have been together for over five years and are recently engaged. He’s incredibly supportive and understands my struggles. He’s probably more patient with me than he should be God bless him. We’ve started wedding planning, and I’ve realized that the idea of being the center of attention, especially photographed, has become one of my biggest anxieties.
I’m generally very easygoing, especially with my fiancé’s family, and I rarely push back on anything they want. The one boundary I want to set is asking guests not to take or post pictures with their phones during the wedding. I’m okay with having a professional photographer, but I don’t want unapproved photos of myself shared on social media. My fiancé’s family is EXTREMELY active on social media, and everything gets posted immediately. I mean truly every moment of what we do is shared, there have been so many times where I don’t even realize a photo is being taken until I see it later.
At our engagement party, I felt beautiful the entire night, until I got in the car and saw candid photos being posted. I completely spiraled afterward. I know this isn’t “normal,” but it’s my reality, and I don’t want that happening on one of the most important days of my life.
To compromise, I plan to hand out disposable cameras at the reception so guests can take as many photos as they want of us, each other, the food, anything. After the wedding, we’ll develop them and then share the photos, and people can save or repost whatever they like. I’m not trying to control everything forever, just to have final say over photos of myself on my wedding day.
My mother and fiancé think this might offend people, and that when everything is said and done I won’t mind but I know myself and I know that I will indeed mind. My best friend (maid of honor) is ready to make this a strict rule. I feel like this is a reasonable boundary for one day. AITA?
NTA for making the rule.
i think compliance/enforcement is going to be a *real* issue the day of, though.
best of luck OP! I really hope people are respectful and you get to have a wonderful wedding day!
NTA for feeling that way, but it is unrealistic and will be hard to enforce. Ultimately you are setting yourself up to be upset and setting up your guests to be the bad guys when they inevitably take pictures. If being the center of attention causes you significant anxiety, then you should probably reconsider having a wedding as that’s kind of the whole point.
I hate how I look in photos and hate being the center of attention for anyone other than my husband. We eloped to Vegas. No family, no friends. No one knew we were gone. Everyone equally butt hurt about not being invited. It was perfect for us.
I think it’s a pretty reasonal request tbh, I don’t have body dismorphia. You’re paying for a professional photographer, why would you also want there to be bad photos out there.
Maybe you could also include a photo booth so guests can get some Polaroids of their own without you getting them because you know uou aren’t going to be in them?
NTA. I’m trans and feel where you’re coming from re: photos but I also think it’s going to be basically impossible to enforce. Would it be easier for you to just stay off social media on your wedding day instead of asking so many other people not to post pictures? The wedding is supposed to be a celebration for everyone and if people are drinking/letting their hair down even the well-intentioned ones are likely to forget rules like that. In 2025, you’re never going to have total control over what other people post. You can only control what you see and what you let upset you.
NTA- but this is going to be impossible to enforce without looking like an asshole. Who will do this? If you’re guests number over 20, this will be hard to do without dedicating someone to it, and that’s a bit unfair to put on a guest. People want to take photos at receptions of themselves with other people they don’t see, people whose outfits they like, all kinds of reasons, many of which have zero to do with the bride or groom. Also, a lot of people will get really annoyed by the bride wants only professional pictures of herself and that is likely to cause more gossip and backlash and drama than you want to deal with. You really do need to go back to therapy as these thoughts are clearly impacting your daily life in a bad way.
100% this. This will never work with a family that is extremely active on social media / loves taking pictures. The only way to effectively enforce this would be to take phones at the door, which probably isn’t realistic and would lead to backlash.
It’s fair to ask, and put up signs, but you need to be OK with the fact that not everyone will comply.
Nta, I have BDD myself so I understand where you’re coming from.
But what I do in situations like this is highly filter whatever I see after the event. I have the official photos that I approved of and i go dark on social media for a while until the hype about the event is over. If people are taking pictures then I have something on hand to block my face (a graphic tote bag or a fan, you could get one to match your dress!) If anyone asks I just say they already know how I feel about photos and it’s fine as long as I don’t have to see them myself.
It is a reasonable boundary but in a big group setting with so many people its going to be hard to enforce and you don’t want to be paranoid about it all day. Just keep reminding yourself that you don’t have to see the photos afterwards and you’ll be fine.
no. simply say its a device-free wedding and reception.
A couple of points:
First, it’s not the most important day of your life, it’s just your wedding.
Second, you can ask people to not take photos but that’s not going to happen, you can ask people not to post photos of you for a period of time, that’s unlikely, but maybe will be more considered.
Putting disposable cameras around is a fun idea, but it’s only encouraging people to take photos which is not what you want. It’s mixed messages.
But ultimately you cannot control what other people do. A soft YTA for trying to.
I hope that you’re still in therapy to help you process all of this. Whether you see it or not, you will be a beautiful bride, the same way I’m sure you’re beautiful every other day too, and I hope that other peoples photos help you to accept that.
I agree that asking people not to take your picture while putting disposable cameras out is sending mixed messages.
The pro photographer subs deal with this a lot.
You might want to ask there for tactics to enforce your safety.
Have you thought about not using social media? It might help. I’d also recommend some additional therapy or even a workbook at home like The [Dialectical Behavioral Therapy workbook.](https://a.co/d/2UcVZ3w) I found it very helpful!
You have a severe anxiety of being the center of attention, but you are voluntarily planning a wedding? Why?
NAH, and this may be unpopular, but there are other options here. Like having a private courthouse wedding and doing a small informal party. Or not doing an event at all. It’s your life— you get to choose whether you want to assign yourself a debilitating level of stress.