Last time I saw my family I got into a dispute with my aunt and cousin. My cousin (19m) made a shitty comment about my job. I decided to educate because he is extremely sheltered and has no idea what he’s talking about. His mother butted in and started screaming. She believes her child can do no wrong. My fiance and I just want to stay home from family events. The rest of the family admits she’s a total bitch but Im the bad guy for standing up to her. I know my grandparents will be pissed at me for not coming but Im choosing to stay away from the chaos.
NTA. Its completely normal for people in families to do something similar. Most importantly, it’s about yourself so setting boundaries for your own mental health is the only way to stay sane sometimes. I wouldn’t give in to the arguing and try to explain yourself…you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Enjoy a nice little stay-at-home Thanksgiving!
Thanks. Im not good at letting things slide. I hate fake and stupid people so the best way for me to avoid conflict is to just not be around those people. I can’t seem to bite my tongue.
Well, don’t bite your tongue, respond with clever or weird comebacks, sarcasm or incredulity. Let’s say he says “too bad you’ll never get a REAL job, with those stupid tattoos and no college degree.” Pick a response:
– A lopsided, enigmatic smile and a wink (confuse the hell out of him, deny him the satisfaction of pissing you off)
– Sarcastically bow to him, say “thank you, old wise one, you are so much more educated than me, I’m certain you’ll be earning more than me by age 30 or so.”
– Look shocked, say “college? Really? Tell me more, how hard is college? Why did no one tell me about this college thing?”
– Belittle his baby self. Say “oh, sweetie, bless your heart. I think you really BELIEVE what you’re saying! I get it, you’ve never had to work a day in your life. But, no worries, you’ll understand a lot more about about how the world really works when you become an adult.” Add a little pat to his head, or pinch his cheek, and excuse yourself so you can talk with the adults now.
NTA, but why not just ignore them? If you enjoy time with the rest of the family theres no need to miss that. Its pretty easy to be civil without being best buds. And frankly that comment ‘I decided to educate because he is extremely sheltered and has no idea what he’s talking about’ makes you sound a tad stuck up, even if you are right.
He made a shitty comment about my job. To put into perspective, I am the only blue collar worker in my family and Im the only one with tattoos. They all look down on it and act like the only road to success is college. I make 6 figures and I’ve done very well for myself. It gets old being looked down on and definitely not putting up with it from a 19 year old.
NTA. Prioritise your peace. No need to keep up appearances for the sake of a holiday gathering that happens once a year.
Make your own traditions. There is no need to subject yourself to rude people just because they are family. If gparents are upset that they won’t get to see you invite them to dinner around the holidays with yall. No bad vibes allowed.
NTA. But as someone who also doesn’t speak to many family members. Depending on how old your grandparents are, I would consider going even if it’s just to see them.
NTA – Choose peace. Can you go visit grandma and grandpa over the weekend or invite them to your home?
Yeah Id much rather have a small gathering with them. It’s when they all get together everyone acts so fake and is trying to make it seem like they have the best life ever.
NTA tell your family you will see them at Christmas or maybe go spend time with fiancé family this year
NTA choose peace in your own home over tradition in theirs
NTA
Stay away from these people, protect your peace .
Your cousin’s mother is the way she is because no one stands up to her. Congratulations, and enjoy your new tradition of staying home.