I (19M) recently got accepted to university in Paris (my brother 20M and I are french btw). It’s a great opportunity for me to get a diploma and an education in a topic that I am really interested in and also to start living on my own which is something that I always kinda wanted to do.
My brother has been working in paris for a while but hasn’t moved out of the house yet as his job doesn’t pay much and Paris is juste absurdly expensive. When he learnt that I got accepted and that I was going to move to Paris one of the first thing he said was that we could be roomate now. At that moment I didn’t know what to say so I just laughed it off and continued to celebrate with my family. The next day while we were just chatting in the living room he asked me if and/or when I would want to look for places in Paris. I thought it would be better to tell him right away that I wanted to live alone instead of letting him think that there was a chance we would be moving in together. He asked me if I was serious to wich I just said yes and that I was sorry but I would prefer to be alone and that with help from our parents, social security and knowing I could get a student job pretty easily I wanted to try living by myself. He told me how disapointed he was that I would « abandon him » and called me a jerk. He still hasn’t really talked to me since and tries his best to avoid me rn which is awkward as hell lol because my parent’s house isn’t the biggest so we often end up in the same room by accident.
I get why he is mad and disappointed because moving out together would have been the best opportunity for him to also move without having to spend an absurd amount on rent. But we always had sort of a conflictual relationship as a lot of brothers do and our lifestyle aren’t that compatible. He’s very strict and organized, almost miliary level of organisation. I’m not really messy, I’m clean, but this is a level of organisation that I know I will never achieve. I just feel like having a place of our own will just result in us fighting all the time over stupid shit.
So I can either be the perfect brother and decide to live with him or I can do the sort of selfish thing and live alone.
Am I the asshole ?
NTA but I think you’ll be changing your tune very quickly, Paris is one of the three most expensive cities in the world.
I am aware of that fact lol I obviously don’t intend on living directly in the city and have been looking into appartements in surrounding cities
NTA. Sure, he can be disapointed, but where does feeling “abandoned” come from? Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
NTA but I also understand why he feels hurt by your decision. You however have full right not to want to live with him and it seems like you have a legitimate reason and it might actually be better for your relationship in the long run
If your brother really wants to move out he should move in with roommates.
NTA because it’s your life, also you speak very fluent English slang for being French. However, like another commenter stated, you’re going to have an extremely hard time living in that city with just a college job. Idk how you think that’s going to work out best living completely alone, as most people in these cities are aware it’s impossible without a roommate. I get that you’re young and want to be independent and start your own life, but don’t be so naive about it. If you guys will just end up fighting then that is the best, most fair choice for both of you. He should try looking for roommates and places to live in Paris if he’s wanting to live there so bad, he doesn’t have to live with you if he can find someone looking for a roommate.
I have said it in another comment but I don’t plan on living in Paris I am looking for places outside of the city which I know to be less expensive as I have a couple of friends living by themselves in these cities
I don’t understand how you can get Social Security while living in France (or anywhere out of the U.S., for that matter). You better double check your sources of income before you commit to finding your own place.
Do they have dorms in the college you will be attending? You won’t be living alone, but at least you won’t have to live with your brother. Save as much money as you can toward your own place while you can.
Good luck in school. Hope all works out in your favor.
NTA. Sometimes not living together is the best way to have a good relationship with someone. And may I suggest that both of you can consider having a roommate who is not your sibling? A roommate will help reduce your living expenses.
I agree. A full time student sharing a small apartment sounds like a disaster.
NTA it will not help your relationship either.
NTA. It’s your life, do with it as you wish
NTA
Since you don’t get along all that well, it would not be a good idea to live together. You could tell him that you are afraid it would ruin your relationship and offer to help him find another roommate. There are likely people at the university looking for one.
NTA. Time to start your own life.