My mom is in her 50s and dying from liver cancer. She is terminal and currently undergoing in home hospice card.
My mother has always lived an unhealthy lifestyle. She was an extremely heavy smoker for years and luckily quit between 10-15 years ago and she’s very proud of that. But she’s been morbidly obese her whole life, she’s hasn’t treated her type two diabetes well enough, and for a few years, she was drinking 4-6 5% alcoholic drinks per day for about 4-5 days per week. All this compounded and she ended up with liver cancer. By the time it was caught, it was terminal. When she started feeling sick (which turned out to be the cancer) she stopped drinking except for rare occasions.
I visit my mom 2-3 times per week. I talk to her, we watch TV, and I’ll bring her what she asks for. She recently talked about how she missed her drink of choice. She wanted a couple to have.
I got a list of her meds and made sure there was no or minimal interactions and when she had a really good day with no pain meds, I brought her a six pack of her favorite drink. She was very happy and drank two and then went to sleep.
I told my siblings about this when I updated them a few days after. They got really mad at me because she has liver cancer and her liver isn’t right but I still gave her alcohol. This was weeks ago and she still has 4 cans out of the 6 pack leftover and she hasn’t had them. But even if she did, she’s going to die, let her enjoy her time!
They think I was harming her and causing her to die faster by giving her the alcoholic drinks. I think I gave her an evening of enjoyment when she doesn’t have many left. I’ve been catching flack from this for weeks and now it’s spreading to other family members.
So AITA for giving my mother alcoholic drinks when she is on hospice for liver cancer?
She is dying, let her die as she herself pleases. If she want a beer why not.. How often does your sibling visit?
I tend to agree that we should let a dying person enjoy their time how they choose. NTA at all to me.
Same. We snuck a screwdriver into the hospital for my grandpa when he was dying. The nurses were clutching their pearls and all “omg no!” But doc was like “let him have some fun, it’s not going to change this outcome one bit.” I was actually surprised it wasn’t the other way around.
People on hospice can drink eat smoke whatever they want. NTA
NTA, you are an amazing child. Give that woman wants on her way out.
We did the same thing for my mom too. We all knew her time was nearing the end and when she wanted her rye and gingerale, we weren’t going to say no. I’d do it the same for anyone in that situation. Let them die doing something they loved, even if it was alcohol and it being the reason.
NTA
She’s on Hospice, let her do what she wants, what’s it gonna do… kill her?
Pretty sure that’s inevitable, so just enjoy the time left, beer in hand.
NTA. As a former hospice nurse providing comfort for patients in their final days is incredibly important. Drinking alcohol will not hasten the dying process at this stage. It would be wise to talk with the nursing team so they’re in the loop.
I’d often tell my patients if they want to eat cake for breakfast eat cake for breakfast! Or whatever else feels right for their body at that time. Let people enjoy what time they have left.
when my Dad was dying all he wanted was an orange popsicle. But we weren’t supposed to give him anything because it would delay they dying process. we let him have a bite anyway and it made him so happy. it was one of the last times I saw him smile.
I’m a nurse and would’ve snuck her some myself.
People are weird about grief, OP. I’ve had many family members concerned their loved one on hospice would become dependent on pain medication.
I think it’s mostly denial.
“He’ll get addicted to the morphine”. What a nonsensical statement! That I also have heard from family members of someone on hospice. I try to encourage them to continue that line of thinking. So what happens if they are addicted? What does that change?
Oddly enough, they don’t care about the opioids. Just the alcohol. I think it’s because they think it caused her condition. It probably contributed, but it wasn’t the only thing.
But fuck, she’s gonna die anyways. Let her have her drinks.
I smoked a joint with my 89-year-old dad, twice, during his last two days, irreversible congestive heart failure. (He also had a form of blood cancer but that’s not what he was dying from.)
Drank a mimosa with my 76-year-old mom for breakfast on her last day. Kidney and bladder cancer that’d spread to her lymph nodes.
Snuck a six pack of beer in to my best friend’s 66-year-old dad (who was like a second dad to me) the day before he died of prostrate cancer. All three of his sons and his daughter (my best friend), his wife, and myself all toasted him as he enjoyed a few sips of his last beer. (In-hospital hospice.)
Poured my 98 year old neighbor one last shot of her favorite whiskey a few hours before she passed; she’d had multiple strokes in four days and it was a stunning surprise she’d “survived” the first stroke, much less the subsequent ones, as long as she did but I am of the firm belief she held on exactly as long as she needed to for all her children to travel to see her one last time. She only had a sip of the whiskey, it was all she could, but I’ll never forget her smile.
Snuck a slice of Pizza Hut pan pizza in to my 44-year-old cousin, her favorite food. Extra cheese and sausage. Breast cancer, in-hospital hospice.
I am beyond blessed I was able to bring each of them a little bit of joy in their last days, and I hope that when my last days come, there is someone in my life who will do the same for me.
NTA.
You’re a regular barman to the dying aren’t you? Good on you. I hope you’re around when I’m on the way out to bring me a bottle of shiraz.