I (20F) am a sophomore in college, and I go to school around 15 minutes away from my childhood home. The thing is, when I was applying to colleges, I got into every school I applied to and received significant scholarships to most of them. However, my parents (who make very good money, albeit while living in a very expensive city) refused to financially support me in any capacity if I chose to commit to one of these out-of-state schools.
The school I attend is very prestigious and academically strong, so at the time, I didn’t really mind this decision, and I’m honestly very happy here. I have a great group of friends, I’m in a long-term relationship that brings me a lot of fulfillment, and I recently adopted a cat who is my pride and joy.
That being said, living so close to my parents has been incredibly suffocating. I am expected to see them at least once or twice a week, and when I do, it is almost always tumultuous and stressful. Not to mention, when school is out, I am also expected to spend the entire break (which is over a month long) at home, despite having an on-campus apartment. This is honestly pretty understandable on their part, and it’s sweet that they want to see me so often, but I am made to feel guilty for even talking about my life in college. Hanging out with my friends (college or high school) over the break is unthinkable to them.
Today is MLK Day, and it is my first weekend back at my apartment since classes started. I had planned to see them yesterday after work, but I work with young children and was very drained, so I canceled (which I do feel bad about). They were pretty busy that day too, so it didn’t seem like a huge deal. I slept in pretty late this morning and woke up to texts from both of my parents chastising me for canceling the day before and asking me to see them today instead. I tried my best to explain that I couldn’t, as many of my friends are very busy during the school week and are only able to get together this afternoon. I also offered to make plans for later in the week. They did not respond, and I haven’t heard anything from them all day.
I feel terrible and guilty, but I’m also kind of angry, as I feel they don’t respect the fact that I am no longer emotionally dependent on them and have a life outside of our family. I will say that in high school, I really struggled with mental illness and was treated for anorexia several times (which I have since fully recovered from), and I also had some substance abuse issues. This may explain why they are a bit overbearing, but I also kind of feel like they should be happy that I’ve made such strides in my mental health. I don’t know.
Sorry, this is getting really long and convoluted, I just have very mixed feelings and can’t tell if I’m a terrible daughter or if I am justified in asking for a bit of distance.