I (23F) just got engaged to my (24M) Fiancé two months ago. While this has been the happiest moment of my life, it’s also been one of the most stressful. There has been a lot of tension between my parents and I when it comes to certain plans. My parents are usually pretty opinionated about everything, however I thought they would have been a little more supportive for this big moment in our lives.
To preface before I get I to the story, my dream wedding venue is outdoors and rustic.
When it comes to the venue, it’s between two locations, one that my fiancé’s family owns and one that is a very cute local barn. My fiancé’s family’s venue is your average hall, however, it is about a 50-minute drive from us and is not what I had dreamed of for my wedding. It is nice but it doesn’t have an outdoor area and has no windows. His family is generously giving us a family discount that would make it $5000 cheaper than the other location. The other location however is only a 7 minute drive from both of our houses and has a beautiful outdoor portion that overlooks a farm with horses. It also has lots of natural light and beauty. Aesthetically it is the wedding venue of my dreams.
Where I am running into some problems is my parents opinionated comment on how “ dumpy” my fiancée familys venue is. While I think it is nice its differently not what I had dreamed but it is significantly cheaper, and it’s my Fiancé top choice, obviously because it’s his familys venue. However my heart is telling me that I will be very sad if I do choose to have our wedding at his familys venue. While I know it will be nice and his family would go above and beyond for us, it is just not what I had ever dreamed. I also feel Some pressure from my parents from all their negative comments. I’m afraid that if I do choose my Fiancés family‘s venue that they will also be making the same comments the day of our wedding.
My Fiancé and I also toured both venues and he loved both of them but felt a very strong emotional connection to his family’s venue and for the price difference this was by far his top choice, but he is ultimately giving me the decision to choose which wedding venue to book.
I am feeling stuck in my decision and feel like an asshole for wanting to choose anything other than My Fiancé‘s family’s venue. What is your opinion should I chose the wedding venue of my dreams or should I chose my fiancé‘s familys venue?
AITAH?
I think its about you both agreeing what you both want and what you both will love for your wedding venue. so i don’t think your the asshole i think your just trying to get your voice herd to get what you want which is valid it is your wedding. Maybe just trying to here each other out and try to find a compromise you both like.
If money is not an issue (like, both you and your fiancé can afford it) then choose what you want.
But if money is hard to come by, maybe you can take official photos at the other venue while having the reception at your fiancé’s venue of choice?
This is an excellent compromise, except for the drive.
Choose the fiancé’s venue. Save the money. Put the rest toward a rad honeymoon or a house. You can make any venue beautiful, and you’ll never be able to please everyone no matter what you do. Your guests won’t care. The music and the vibe will make the memories! Your family can be negative, but it can only bother you as much as you allow it to. Be HAPPY! This is an exciting time!
This is a decision between you and your Fiance. No one else should be considered.
NAH – yet, as long as you sincerely listen to your fiance’s views on this too. YOU said he had a strong emotional connection to his family’s venue – you need to take that into consideration. He shouldn’t be leaving the final decision to you, unless he actually really doesn’t care. If that’s the case, make your decision, but if you feel he is only leaving it to you so he doesn’t disappoint you then perhaps more of a convo is needed.
So talk it out with him, without pressuring each other, and come to a decision between the two of you.
You’re not the asshole. You’re just stuck between money, emotion, and pressure.
This isn’t really about “dumpy” vs “dreamy.” It’s about what you’ll feel walking down the aisle.
If you choose the family venue purely because it’s cheaper and his family owns it, and you already know you’ll feel a little sad, that feeling won’t magically disappear. It’ll sit with you.
At the same time, $5,000 is not nothing. And your fiancé feeling emotionally connected to that space matters too.
The real conversation isn’t with your parents. It’s with him. Strip their opinions out completely. If money were equal, which would you both pick? And if you choose the cheaper option, what would make it feel like yours?
Also, your parents don’t get a vote on the day. If they make comments, that’s on them.
You’re not selfish for wanting your dream venue. You just need to decide whether the dream is worth the extra cost and whether you and your fiancé are aligned on what matters most
QUESTION: Where is the $5k coming from? If your parents are paying, go for the expense. If they’re not paying & continue to insult the family venue, generously offer to let them give you $5k to bridge the gap.
Otherwise, $5k is so much money. It’s hard to justify the huge expense – unless you’re independently wealthy.
Both our parents will be contribute 50/50 towards our wedding. However, they have both made it clear that we can do whatever we want with the money.
I do agree $5000 is alot however we do have a good budget that we could work with from the money we have been gifted from our parents. We will however been taking whatever remaining money is left over to put towards a house, so we are trying to cut as many costs as possible. I guess I just have to decide if this is something we want to spend extra money on or not.
If you both make over $100k and have no debt, the $5k is probably fine.
Otherwise, no.
NTA. I can’t imagine a wedding venue without windows tbh.
A lot of hotel banquet rooms, which host plenty of wedding receptions, don’t have windows.
NTA, this is your wedding too, and it’s okay to prioritize your dream venue. Your fiance is already giving you the choice, which shows he values your happiness. Choosing a place that makes you truly excited doesn’t mean you’re disrespecting his family. It just means you’re making the day meaningful for both of you.
You don’t choose, you both discuss and agree. To do anything other than that is to miss the point of being married.
If you decide to do it at his family’s venue, how much would it cost to book the one you like or to find/go somewhere similar for an hour or so for photos–not on the wedding day, but before or after? Would it be a possibility to do the ceremony with a very small group somewhere outdoors–even a park or forest area– and then go to the family venue for a reception?
Would your parents be willing to pay the difference between the two venues since they have such a strong opinion, and would taking the cost difference out factor into how your fiance feels about it?