Myself and several friends have a trip coming up in a week or so. We paid for this trip back in October and everything had already been finalized, and no way for a refund or to change. One of the friends got pretty sick over the last few days and now can’t come on the trip. AITA for thinking them asking for their money back is unreasonable? They basically said it’s not fair since they can’t go, but it would raise everyone else’s cost by almost $100. The only real cost is an AirBNB that we got based off having 5 people.
NTA – unfortunate situation out of everyone’s control but as an adult you just have to eat your portion of the cost due to unforeseen circumstances. The budget was planned around x many people and not all may be able or agreeable to pay for an increase in cost.
But, friend may not be ok with paying so at the end of the day between the group it will likely come down to what you all value more the money or the friendship.
If your friend is truly sick, then is $100 worth losing the friendship? If they are a habitual flake, and this is normal, then NTA, however, if you are going to flame this friendship over something they can’t control and $100, then YTA.
The $100 is how much each person’s trip cost would go up, so I’m guessing $400 is what the sick friend wants refunded.
Alternatively, can y’all swing maybe an in between? If $100 is too much, what about $50 each so it lessens the friends loss?
I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong to say too bad, so sad. But I do think my friend group and I would do what we could to make it “even” to the best of our ability. We would be up front if we couldnt fully refund, but we may be able to chip in a lot more a piece or whatnot.
Hey, sounds like a plan, really. Get everyone to chip in for a partial refund, letting them know that’s all you can afford. This gives them a chance to say hey, thanks for the thought, and let’s everyone have some small feeling of recompense. If that is not enough for your friend, $50 bucks is a small price to pay to shed a leech, but if they accept, it allows the friendship to heal and move forward.
NTA – things happen & sucks for friend but that is literally life: it’s not fair
Not fair to expect her friends to incur an extra, last min fee either
The money has already been spent; while it’s unfortunate they cannot participate in the activity, that’s how reservations go & they need to learn that
NTA but it does suck for them. Personally I would try and give them some of the money back but not necessarily the full amount eg. if this was a room sharing situation before see if anyone wants a room to themselves and would be willing to give the friend some money back to get the room to themselves?
Or you all pitch in $50 and they get half their money back.
NTA. You are not their travel insurance. Anything that can be canceled and refunded obviously should, but otherwise, it’s unfair of them to request you pay for their bad luck.
For a hundred bucks not sure if YTA but you definitely don’t value that friendship very much or they are not really a friend
The $100 is how much each person’s trip cost would go up, so I’m guessing $400 is what the sick friend wants refunded.
I’m going to say NAH. I don’t blame him for not wanting to pay for a trip that he can’t go on, and I don’t think there was anything wrong for him to *ask*. Presumably there’s *some* benefit to your group in having fewer people sharing a bedroom or bathroom.
But at the end of the day, it remains his responsibility to pay for his non-refundable share, so he would be the asshole if he got shirty about it if you say no.
For the win-win, is there another friend that might be willing to take his place?
NTA. If that person spent $1000 on concert tickets and couldn’t go because they were sick – they’d lose their $$. Just because you’re friends doesn’t mean you’re responsible to refund their $500. They paid their money and it’s unfortunate but they’re sick and can’t go but life happens. If you’re all in financially good place and can refund half – maybe meet in the middle with $50 each. But you’re not obligated.
OP,
In the simplest terms: There is truth in the friend saying, “it’s not fair since they can’t go”. But who isn’t being fair? LIFE. Life is not fair. Apparently a lesson your friend failed to learn. Because he is only thinking that he shouldn’t be penalized because of something out of his control…
So this friend’s solution to think it’s fair for 4 other people to be penalized because of something out THEIR control. It’s not like any of you – because of his absence – are getting more/saving more that you can compensate him for.
So your friend’s thinking does making him TA.
But I’ll also add that the four of you not having an obligation to cover his share does not mean you can’t do something. Without knowing any of your situations, I wouldn’t presume to judge what, if anything, you should offer your friend; but…
1. If this is not a pattern of him bailing; if this is truly an unexpected, unfortunate circumstance out of his control, it would be NICE of the four of you to at least consider what you can do to soften this double blow he is experiencing.
2. I have no idea of the financial situation any of you are in. If money is tight for all five of you, then (a) you have sympathy for hard this is hitting him, but (b) you don’t have to put yourself into an even tighter financial situation to ease his loss – he could afford to spend the $400; he just won’t get the benefit he was expecting from spending that money. And (c) you four could convey your empathy for his loss by doing something nice that is within your means. Maybe take him out to dinner when you all get back and he is better. Or bring him something special from wherever you all are going. Or chip in what you can to offset his loss at least a little.
3. If HE is financially well off and not getting his money’s worth is just a proxy for him really being upset at missing out on this special time for your group; then you might (again) bring him something back from the trip that he would really enjoy getting. Or (if it makes sense with your plans) offer to include him (by video) in some of your time just hanging out and shooting the breeze at the Airbnb. You don’t have to go crazy out of your way; just a little effort to say his company matters to the group. \[If he really is just upset about not getting his money’s worth, then you can leave him to deal with it and move on.\]
Bottom line: the cost is his to eat (because LIFE is not fair); but if there’s something you four can reasonably do to soften the blow for him, consider showing him a little friendly compassion.