Is it reasonable to ask siblings to contribute $10k each as a gift to a caregiver?
My mom passed away after being cared for by a private caregiver for about 9 months. The caregiver was paid for her services during that time.
My sister now wants to give the caregiver an additional $50,000 gift and is asking each of the five siblings to contribute $10,000.
Some of us feel that while the caregiver did meaningful work and deserves appreciation, this is a very large amount to ask and wasn’t discussed or agreed upon beforehand.
My sister is kind of forcing this upon everyone OR she will change my mom’s state a trustee fee (she’s in charge of that) to give money to the caregiver.
She’s forcing this on us. Either we give her the 10k each or she will use the estate to pay her the 50k and also keep extra money for herself…
Please who is in the wrong here ?
I’m looking for outside opinions:
Is this a reasonable request?
Should this be voluntary rather than expected?
How do people usually handle situations like this?
I’d really appreciate honest perspectives.
Damn I should be a caregiver because wth
Bless your sister’s heart but 50k is obscene after just 9 months of working relationship
NTA
NTA- y’all need lawyers.
Talk to a lawyer about your mums estate, this is not how a trustee is supposed to operate but laws vary etc etc.
NTA but go speak to a lawyer!
NTA— lawyer now. This is a suspiciously high amount and I’d almost bet her game plan doesn’t include the caregiver getting the full 50k, or possibly any of it given how hard she’s pushing this.
Yeah, especially with the “and also keep extra money for herself” part. She’s almost certainly not allowed to make unilateral decisions about gifting part of the estate to people just because she thinks they should have it, she’s definitely not allowed to threaten to enrich herself out of the estate because the other inheritors don’t obey her.
Is your sister in a secret relationship with this caregiver? That’s an honest question, because that’s the only way this makes sense.
Talk to your siblings and collectively consult an estate attorney.
Your sister can not just decide to “charge a fee” to the estate. (Or take extra money for herself). I hope you have this on writing. As proof this isnt an actual service fee/charge, and is indeed just a gift.
You need to hire a lawyer and file to have your sister removed as the trustee for breaching her fiduciary duty. Giving away $50,000 to someone that is not entitled to it and is not a beneficiary of the trust is 100% a breach of her fiduciary duty and she should lose the authority to control the trust.
Edit: In the United States. I cannot speak to the laws of any other country.
This is ridiculous. If you aren’t getting millions, I would not be on board with this. For 9 months work? More than 5k a month bonus?
Is she blackmailing your sister?
I work in healthcare and also educate on ethical issues for healthcare related fields.
Giving significant gifts to providers, while a nice gesture, is an ethics violation for them to accept. Do some provider’s accept? Yes. Is it still an ethics violation that will result in loss of licensing for staff, agency, or facility if discovered? Yes.
Send a card or a token gift of 20 USD or less to keep the caregiver in ethical compliance.
If you want the whole reasoning behind this part of the ethics code, I will happily explain it. Otherwise, just take my advice and don’t.
She can’t just decide to gift it out of the estate either. If she does sue her and it can come out of her share or she can be forced to pay all of you back. she want to gift her $10K thats fine…
Something significant is missing from this equation. Nobody provides a caregiver a $50K bonus after only 9 months work. $5K would be beyond generous. Either the caregiver has some kind of hold on your sister or your sister has altered thought processes. I would lawyer up yesterday.
>She’s forcing this on us. Either we give her the 10k each or she will use the estate to pay her the 50k and also keep extra money for herself… Please who is in the wrong here ?
Do you have that in writing? Get a lawyer and have her removed as trustee because she is mismanaging funds.
Lawyer here, not yours. As everyone else said, you need a lawyer asap or to let your sister know that you will hire one if she attempts to abuse her fiduciary duty to spend estate money outside of the appropriate channels. $50k is an insane amount and totally out of control – if she asked for $1k per sibling that would be ok maybe ($5k). The reality is most caregivers don’t get a bonus.
Sounds like your sister needs money and is trying to scam you guys out of it lmao