My sister (22) and I (25) still live at home with my father. It’s our childhood home. It’s an ex council house and is 3 bedrooms although the smallest one (my sisters) is basically a box room. I moved out at 18 to go to university which was the start of the issue. My sister had always loathed having such a small room and despite my push back – we agreed she could have “my” room while I was at uni. When I came home for visits I used the small room. Fair enough.
After a pandemic, cost of living, a limp over the finish line degree and a deep unhappiness where I was, I moved back home to work and eventually save for a deposit. Like many who finish a degree, I was mostly paying back debts I had built up to start with. When I moved back my sister begrudgingly gave me the room back mostly because my mother asked her too and I have more stuff.
It’s been two years now and my sister now has a partner (26), it’s become quickly serious and he has a great job. My sister is very financially disciplined and has worked very hard to save. They both should have enough to move into their first time home next year. My sister and her partner do not like staying at her partners home as he shares it with several people and there has been a falling out. Since the passing of my mother, he has practically moved in over the last couple months.
Last week, my sister asked whether we could swap rooms until she moves out. I’ve decided to say no which has angered her. My father had kindly offered to swap but my sister specifically wants me to swap. I personally don’t want the hassle of swapping for what will be less than a year. It’s been my room most of my life, it will be my room for the next couple years. She wants the space as two people staying in such a small room is difficult. I understand but I also feel quite sentimental about my room. I also have felt somewhat petty that her partner has eaten out of our house since the beginning but has never paid towards food costs. He’s basically ate for free for almost two years.
My sister and others feel I’m being unreasonable. Am I being an asshole?
Edit:
I should have clarified in terms of the house:
– My father now owns all of it.
– I pay £400 in rent. My sister paid less until recently.
– Groceries and Utilities are split between myself, my sister and my father.
I’m surprised she ever agreed to give her the room back in the first place. She seemingly had a small tiny room for approximately 22 years of her life, finally got some space then had to give it back to you? How is that way fair lol
But NTA for not giving the room back today, the fact that she has a boyfriend now has no bearing on you.
Yeah, there’s no way I would’ve given into a “I have more stuff” argument. I would’ve told you to get rid of your stuff and get back in your tiny ass room.
You aren’t being practical. Youre an adult. Childhood rooms aren’t a thing. You dont get to cling to pacifiers when youre grown. You’ve had the big room all these years. Why? Why has she gotten the short end of the stick all these years? Its a reasonable request. The fact that your dad has offered and you refuse says a lot. He should be the one telling you what HE wants you to do because its NOT YOUR HOUSE. You are being unreasonable.
It seems like your sister’s been stuck with the smaller room for 18 years. And now when she could really use the bigger room, you’re pushing back and complaining about her. She is specifically asking for your room; she doesn’t want to inconvenience your father who is letting his adult children continue to live at home.
If the only real complaint about her partner is the food budget, you should bring it up with them; it sounds like your sister is able to afford it.
And the part that irks me is that it’s your father’s house; you don’t have a claim to it (unless I’m missing something). He is being a wonderful father and giving you a jumpstart by giving you an opportunity to pay off bills instead of paying rent.
ESH, except your father and your late mother.
YTA all you see is your inconvenience. I’m sure when she gave you back the room it was inconvenient for her to. It does not matter why she gave it back she did.
ESH- its less than a year and she gave it back to you when you came back, I wouldn’t have.
All the rooms belong to your father and it’s a small price to pay for everyone to be comfortable (1 person in a small room is easier than 2)
She should/could take dad up on his offer but you guys should just compromise. – he lost his wife, and his GROWN children are fighting over something trivial
Just f’n grow up. My god how juvenile and entitled can you be? YTA.
YTA! You’re 25. She needs to borrow it until she moves out. You were happily going to allow your father to swap with her and have the box room? Maybe you should save some money and move out of home?
YTA and incredibly self centred. You don’t own the house. It is a family home and you have had your share and more of the bigger room.
YTA – she’s had the rubbish room for most of her life. Practically they should have the larger room and the reality is you own nothing and are no more entitled to the room than her. You’re lucky she gave you the room back in the first place and the absolute hypocrasy of you saying she needed to move because you have more stuff but refusing to move now she has an entire other person is wild.
I also think its awful that you’ve even let it get to a point that your father has had to offer his room. He obviously understands that having two people share a tiny room while two single people have bigger ones is ridiculous and that was your cue to be a grown up and say no you don’t need to offer i’ll switch.
NTA because the sister’s partner has a home of his own that the pair could live in but he “prefers not to” live there. Why do his preferences matter more than OP’s?
Giving up the place where you grew up and have always lived is a big ask unless there is a pressing reason and boyfriend’s “I prefer not to” is not a pressing reason for anything.
Most of your life you had a bigger room, despite being older you still live in the parents house, your sister moved to smaller space when you moved back, your father is supportive for her & BF to have more living space, but it is inconvenient for you so you refuse? Am I summarizing correctly? Bigger room is tour God given right, correct? YTA. I assume you pay for all the household groceries, (why else would you comment on BF’s not contributing), if that’s the case stopping to pay for his food is very reasonable.
YTA. You’ve basically always had the bigger room. You will continue to have it, and a spare room as well, soon after she moves out. She’s asking for a favor. You’re refusing because….I don’t know. Sure, it’s a hassle to move stuff around … but, you’re acting spoiled and petulant. Can’t you just do it to be nice? She has an actual reason, they have two people in what you yourself refer to as a box room.
Can’t you just BE NICE for a couple months? Promise, you can asshole out again and be a spoiled adult child living in your room when she’s gone again.
YTA, you moved out therefore the room is no longer yours. You kicked your sister out of the better room when you came back cos you ‘had more stuff’. Now sister and boyfriend are in that small room – while saving for their own house. Question – do you even like you sister? Cos Id never be so mean to my sister.