Me (18F) and my bf (18M) have had this ongoing argument about me changing my hair color. For some context, all throughout my childhood I was a natural blonde and as I got older it got darker. My natural hair color now is a brunette color.
My bf in the past has only ever dated emo girls and or only girls with darker hair. This bothers me because I am the complete opposite. Everything I own is PINK, and my hair is VERY blonde (I go get my hair done every 6 months).
Now to the deal, my bf has been saying he wants to buzz his hair off and I told him that he wouldn’t look good with it and to please not because I just wouldn’t like it. He has been telling me that I should go brunette/natural for a while because he thinks I’d look good with it. The deal is that if he doesn’t buzz his hair that I will go natural. I’ve been hesitant about switching hair colors for 3 reasons, 1 because I’ve basically been blonde my whole life no matter if it was natural or unnatural, 2 because I feel like he’s trying to make me look like the rest of the girls he’s dated, and 3 I just like being blonde. I have voiced all of these things I feel to him and he just says that it’s not that deep and to trust him and do it. The main thing that bothers me is that I feel like he’s trying to transform me into his type instead of me just being myself. He’s also said he wishes I’d get over the color pink which adds onto why I feel this way.
As of today, we kept having the argument. He told me that I’m not as attractive with my blonde so that led me to ask him “why are you dating a blonde then if you don’t like blondes?” And he told me that he could tell I wasn’t a natural blonde and was hoping I’d go back natural for him. Which I feel like is bold of him to assume. The other main reason this is a big deal for me is because my hair grows very slow and if I dye it, it will be that color for years and probably be hard to get back to blonde if I put dye over it if I end up changing my mind. I’ve also told him this but he told me that his feelings for me will probably not last if I keep my hair how it is right now even though I like it this way. So AITA for not wanting to keep my side of the deal even though I feel like he’s trying to change me into what HE wants.
You realize he’s trying to control you…right? You deserve better. He should love you just as you are. You are NTA.
You’re not an AH for not wanting to change your hair, but YTA for making a deal and then trying to renegotiate. If anything, let him buzz his and keep yours.
Maybe the bigger question is why you’re with a dude that doesn’t seem to like who you are. You owe it to yourself to be with someone that does.
OP never agreed to the deal. But I concur she should encourage the buzzcut so her STBX can reenter the dating world with a bad haircut to match his personality.
OP says she accepted the deal.
He has said it himself. He doesn’t want you. He wants the version of you that he has control over. Kick him to the curb and choose yourself over some dude that doesn’t deserve you.
NTA 100%
Word and why does she get to decide his hair style? Obviously they aren’t compatible. Hypocrisy is strong with you.
ESH
keep YOUR hair the way YOU like. And accept that he does the same.
This is the only correct answer, both sound insufferable honestly like if your partners hair is such a big deal then break up and date someone who looks the way you like
ESH, but him more than you.
It is seriously messed up that he got with you because he assumed you would change in the way he wanted you to. That’s not how you treat a partner.
But you aren’t a whole lot better. You want to control how he looks, too. And you want it enough to make a deal about you changing your look (even though you don’t want to) if he keeps his the way you like.
We get to have preferences. It’s okay to express those preferences to our partners, if we’re reasonably kind about it. But it’s not okay to push your partner to look the way you want them to, whether that means not trying a new look or changing their look. I get that you’re both young enough that you’re still learning how to be good partners, but you’re both behaving badly here.
I did a huge haircut several months into dating my now-husband. Went from waist length to cheekbone length because the summer heat and humidity was killing me. And my husband responded in a healthy fashion: he said he loved my long hair, and he’d probably miss it, but it was my hair so I should worry about my needs first.
YTA
You want to control his hairstyle based on your preference, but are upset because he’s literally asking you to do the same thing. That’s hypocritical behavior.
ESH. You should both just do as you please with your own hair and if it’s a deal breaker for either one of you, so be it.
Esh. You should do with your hair what you want to do, and he should do with his hair what he wants to do and that is it. It is ridiculous that you are both trying to force yourself on the other person. This relationship doesn’t sound like it’s going to last.
ESH. You don’t get to tell him what to do with his hair, and same with him.
You both sound very immature.
ESH. You are both too immature to be in a relationship. No one should be trying to dictate what the other does with their hair