Throughout my life my mom has always gotten involved with pyramid schemes and get rich quick schemes. Her latest scheme is a photobooth (it is basically just an ipad on a stick) that she got her brothers to invest in. She goes to events sometimes with it.
My oldest sister called me the other day and basically demanded I help my mom at her next event. The even is in Pennsylvania and I live in NYC. It is in the middle of a Sunday and probably a 3 hour drive for me. I dont want to do it. It’s on my day off, it ends at 4 pm on a Sunday so the traffic just to get through Manhattan to Brooklyn would probably be an hour alone. I would have to leave my dog alone for 12 hours. I would be tired at work the next day as I have to get up early to be in the office. Again, it is an ipad on a stick. My oldest sister is going and probably bringing one of her teenage children. You really do not need 5 people to operate this thing.
In spite of this I sighed and said "I guess I could do it". This set my sister off. She told me I owe our mother everything and I should be enthusiastic to help her, and that I was being selfish and to get over it. To be honest this made me not want to go more. She has been very demanding recently and it rubs me the wrong way that shes acting like I dont love my mom if I dont help her out with this. If I dont go I know shes not going to talk to me for a couple months.
AITA if I dont help with this?
NTA but you need to learn to stick up for yourself. I know it’s tough but you can’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm. You have to prioritise your own wellness. It’s not like she’s asking you to help in a genuine emergency.
“you owe our mother everything” is such a classic guilt line. you don’t owe someone free labor because they keep signing up for scams and calling it a business. and if she needs FIVE people for a photo booth, then the “business” is already cooked.
and the silent treatment threat? congrats, she just made NOT going even easier. let her not talk to you. peace is a gift.
text her: “i’m not available. hope it goes well.” and mute.
NTA brother
Yes! And why do kids owe their parents everything? Where did that come from? Adult kids!
She works. She takes care of herself. It’s a long drive. She has to work the next day. She has a dog. She’ll be leaving for 12 hours. . What the heck!
I’m an older sister and I would never say that to my younger sister .🤦🏽♀️
My parents used to guilt me about everything when I was little and basically my whole life.… and I would say I didn’t ask to be born! 🤣
Trust me being the oldest, I was always the built-in babysitter .. I feel like I’ve done enough. This isn’t an emergency either.
I would never tell my children you owe me for everything .. ever!
NTA. It’s not your responsibility to help your mom’s business. She wanted to start a business, she’s gotta work it.
NTA. Tell your sister the truth. She and her child are already going. There would not be enough to do to justify a 6 hour commute. You will talk to your mom yourself, find out her schedule, and help her when she needs it. As mom gets older tag teaming assistance is a skill you will both need.
To quote Phoebe (Friends) when asked to help with something, “I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”
NTA. This sounds ridiculous. Don’t go, and enjoy the break from your sister.
NTA
There is no way that whatever she is getting paid to take video at an event will be enough to pay 5 family members plus travel. If she needs all that support and has to travel, and her take-home pay doesn’t adequately cover all the expenses, then she made a bad business decision
If she just wants ‘everyone around’ for help, then she doesn’t know what she’s doing .
NTA. Send to your mom “I won’t be helping you with your photo booth.”. No explanation or reason for her to argue with. Just no. Enjoy the silence until the next thing your mom wants from you. If you don’t know it look up the grey rock method. Should help with at least the guilt trips sister tries to give you.
There’s a magic word you should learn – that word is no. If you say no your mom and oldest sister will be mad at you. So what? If you live your life to make others happy all you will do is make yourself miserable. NTA.
NTA. You’re on your day off from your actual job. Also, your mom didn’t ask for your help, as I understand, this is your sister’s doing, so just be honest with her. The fact that this isn’t even in your town to begin with is already reason enough not to go. Talk to your mom and, if you want, offer to help some other day that works better for the two of you.
How much are you going to get paid to work helping her with her business?
You have no obligation here whatsoever, and your sister can’t create one.
Just say, “sorry, can’t do it” and leave it at that.
NTA.
Just respond with. “I said I’d do it, but guess what? After that exhausting guilt trip you just took me on, I’m now too tired; you do it.”
ETA: NTA