I am having conflicting feelings on my birthday dinner. This is definitely first world problems and not really a big deal but it has my head spinning.
My father asked me a few days ago where I wanted to go to dinner for my birthday. I am almost 40 and he is in his 70s, we are not young so I feel that makes this even weirder.
I tell him a restaurant I saw online that he and my mom had never been to. They said fine. My dad starts looking it up and says it’s not a fancy place so he would like to go check the place out first to see if they even have seating. Weird but okay.
Cut to the day we are supposed to go there for dinner and he says I’m going now(noon) to order lunch to see if the place is good. I said, “what? I thought we were going for dinner tonight.” He looked at me like I was an idiot and said we don’t know if it’s good so I’m going to check it out first. I thought that was weird as he notoriously hates having the same meal repeatedly and won’t eat leftovers but he left. He came back with his food and a lunch for me (of the dish I wanted for dinner) and told me I had to try it. I said okay, “so we’re having this for lunch instead of dinner?”. And again he looked at me like I was the dumbest person alive.
I said, “I don’t want it for lunch AND for dinner”. He then raised his voice a bit and said you have to try it to see if it will be good for dinner. I took a bite, it was delicious, and I went back to work (I work from home).
Am I losing my mind? Is this normal behavior?
I then overheard him talking to my mom about how ungrateful I am for him going out of his way to make sure my birthday dinner was going to be good.
Am I an asshole for what I said and for not wanting the same meal twice in one day? I feel like I may be in the wrong but I also feel like I have completely lost the experience of trying somewhere new for my birthday.
For context: He has NEVER gone to a restaurant to try it before we went out and tried the restaurant. (Does that even make sense?)
Edit to add: Yes, I am old and currently living with my parents. I recently sold my home in a different state and moved back at their request. Not how I planned on having my life go at all but when you have aging parents and that say their only wish is to have their kid near them with the time they have left it’s hard to say no.
“Normal” is relative. It sounds like this is out of character for him. You should talk to your mother about this and maybe think about getting him checked out by a doctor.
NTA and I agree with this take – Without knowing more about OPs Dads personality, it’s hard to say where he’s coming from – but it’s definitely weird. If it’s extremely out of character, the behavior could be a symptom of something medical, especially considering he’s in his 70s.
My dad had been acting out of character for a while (>6 months), which I heard about second hand after the fact since he and I don’t see each other super often and phone calls aren’t his thing.
He went on a solo vacation and then ended up in the ER with sepsis for a week because apparently he had an untreated UTI that spread. Once it was treated he went back to his “normal”
I am so sorry for your dad. I think y’all are hitting on something that I was afraid of and couldn’t see. I am more used to taking care of the physical things, just had to take my Dad for his skin cancer removal surgery and follow ups and I have not been thinking about his mentality.
I was also going to mention untreated UTIs are extremely common in older people and cause symptoms that can seem a bit like dementia
Even worse when they already have dementia. We can ALWAYS tell when my elderly MIL is having a flare up.
I mean, you’re describing behaviour that is out of the norm for him. It could be as simple as he explained, he wanted to make sure it was good…but you don’t have to eat it for lunch if you don’t want because literally no one does that.
I’d ask your mom, in confidence. Just say you’re bothered by your dad’s reaction, and you found the whole incident a little ‘off’ …ask her what she thinks.
NAH
He’s 70 years old. He probably has very little purpose in life, and he wanted something to do. There’s probably something bigger going on here but I doubt there was any malicious intent on his part – he genuinely wanted you to have a good dinner.
WILD take that a 70 year old must have no purpose and is basically just waiting around to die.
NTA, and I guess keep an eye out for more unusual behavior from your dad, it could be health related. Maybe talk to your mom about it and see if she’s noticed anything that seems off. This situation sounds very strange.
This is certainly odd behavior by him; when someone that age starts doing odd things that are out of character, it’s a good idea to talk to their doctor about it. I don’t really see where anyone is an AH though; really, is this even a conflict? NAH if so.
NTA.
His behavior does seem odd. W/out knowing your dad, it strikes me a few ways… in some ways it could be interpreted as controlling, but if you usually have clear communication, and your dad doesn’t have a history of controlling or manipulative behavior that would be really odd.
Otherwise, it might be a symptom of something cognitive related to age and health.
he’s 70 and displaying out of the norm behavior, i hate to be the one but he’s not displaying other signs of dementia or anything like that ? NTA but if this behavior is out of character, there is probably a reason.
This is… beyond odd, to the degree that I’m going to default to the assumption that it’s got something to do with age-related cognitive stuff on your father’s part and say NAH.
Regardless, no, you’re not in the wrong. Happy Birthday!