I’m getting married in a few months in a very intimate setting with fewer than 75 guests. Both our sets of parents are divorced and single. At the start of our wedding planning, we agreed that none of the parents would have a plus-one since none of them were in a relationship at the time.
About four months ago, after our guest list was finalized and Save the Dates were mailed, my dad started dating someone. The day we met his new girlfriend, he asked if she could attend as his plus-one and offer us $50 (which is only a fraction of the cost per person). We told him, ‘At this time, we aren’t sure if we can accommodate her since RSVPs haven’t been confirmed yet.’ A few weeks later, he asked again, and we gave him the same answer.
Things were quiet for a while, so we assumed he was respecting our decision. However, a few weeks ago, his girlfriend texted my fiancée asking what color she should wear to the wedding. We were shocked! We sent a polite reply reiterating that we still didn’t know if she could attend because the guest list remained unconfirmed. She never replied, but my dad texted me days later saying he ‘didn’t want to create drama, but he really wants her there.’ We repeated the same stance, and he simply said, ‘Ok.’
Then, about a week later, he sent me a photo of her hand with an engagement ring and the message, ‘I did a thing.’ For perspective, they have been together for a maximum of four months, and if they do marry, this will be his third marriage.
AITA for still not wanting a near-stranger at our intimate wedding?
YTA for not just giving him a straight answer.
Yes, exactly.
OP said “things were quiet so I thought they were respecting our decision” but OP never gave dad their decision!
Obviously they’re hoping dear old dad will just get the hint, but the problem is he *has* and he’s upped the stakes by making her his fiancee so that OP can’t say “well she’s not a serious partner”.
OP, you caused this situation by not being honest. You need to tell your dad in no uncertain terms that she is not welcome and be ready for dad to throw a fit or be hurt.
This very much. YTA for not telling people stuff
If someone says “I need to check with the guest list and venue.” that is all fine and well, but if you say that, you usually do that and get back with the people asking within a few days.
And MONTHS ago you can ususally squeeze in one person more and with that amount of people (dunno 75 is really not that ultimate) there will be people that can’t come so that his +1 will be able to attend.
That is why you tell people no if you want then not to come. You tell them no + reason and not hope they get the Vibe from a non-answer.
Yeah all this could be avoided by saying no. So simple. Just tell him no now.
Why don’t you just say no instead of stringing him along. You have to know your count at this point and you don’t want her there. YTA for this.
NTA for not wanting her there. It’s your wedding and what you say goes. However, YTA for beating around the bush and blaming that you have not received the RSVPs as the reason why. How is he supposed to respect your decision when you have never clearly set a decision. “We’re unsure yet” is not a no and it’s not a decision.
NTA for not wanting her there, but YTA for failing to communicate that. What you told her and your dad amounted to “maybe” not a hard no, so of course they kept asking.
Exactly. OP, you left the door open. That’s on you. Ask your dad to pay for the whole price for his fiancé if you aren’t going to do the hard thing and say no.
Not for not wanting a relative stranger at your wedding, but YTA for stringing your dad along when you already knew you weren’t going to invite his gf to the wedding. You caused this problem.
Esh. Your call. You are stalling He is being pushy. Hope he didn’t propose to get an invite lol.
If you do invite to her extend the plus one to your mum. And if you only have 1 spot available, then that is a possible excuse.
BTW 75 or 77 is not that intimate.
NTA but you need to learn how to say “NO.” It’s really easy.
> Things were quiet for a while, so we assumed he was respecting our decision.
They literally never made a decision….
Your problem is you gave your father a rather dumb answer. You should have just said no right from the get go.
At this point tell your dad that you cannot give him a plus one, even for his new fiancee, unless you have enough room to give your mother a plus one as well and it doesn’t look like that is going to be possible.
A bit YTA.
75 guests is not “very intimate”.
You complain that your Dad didn’t respect your decision but you didn’t make a decision. You just gave him excuses as to why you weren’t making a decision.
Like it or not they are now engaged so she’s a significant person in your Dad’s life, not just a casual plus one.
It’s up to you, it’s your wedding, but what are you really achieving by excluding her, except to put your relationship with your Dad at risk. Also, don’t be entirely surprised if your Dad decides not to come if his fiancee is not allowed to.