I, 50m, went to our local bar where we hang out to wait for my GF (46f). When I walked in, it was pretty busy, but there were two seats free at the bar in this weird crook that makes the seats pretty close together. Since I would be sitting with my GF, it wasn’t a big deal.
The problem was, there was a woman with an empty glass (relevant because there is an order line, so she was either done or not in the right ordering spot) standing between those seats and a third seat that was empty (I assumed she had been sitting there), and had her bag on one of the crook seats, making it impossible to get into the two crook seats. I went up and asked "hey – are you sitting here?" She said "I’m sitting in this seat" and indicated the one not in the crook. "Cool – can I sit here?" and pointed to the other two seats. She said "I don’t care, sure."
I had already set my beer down elsewhere, so I went to grab it, and when I came back she was still blocking the other two chairs and hadn’t moved her bag. I tried to move the seat to the side to get in, but she wouldn’t move, and I couldn’t get into the seat, so I said "I’m sorry – I can’t get into these seats with you standing there." She said "and?" And continued to block the seats. So, I said "thanks a lot" sarcastically and walked away to try to find a new table since my original one was gone.
When she left, she walked by me and said "go f**k yourself" and I called her an entitled b***h.
My GF got there and asked if we could sit at the bar, which now had three empty seats – the crook seats and the one the blocker was "sitting" in. When we went over, another regular spouted off about how rude I had been (she admitted to not hearing the whole conversation, but was going off what the other woman said) and why did it matter if she was blocking three seats? When I tried to defend myself, she kept talking over me and my GF and I just ended up leaving.
I know I was sarcastic at the end and should have ignored the blocker’s jab at me, but, my GF has my back as she’s seen me ask for similar things before and knows I try my best to be polite, and another regular who overheard (and confirmed my recollection as I wrote it above), says I was good. But other people at the bar said her taking up three seats wasn’t a big deal and I got a text from one of the bartenders asking why I was so rude to someone at the bar. I’m frustrated that asking for someone blocking three seats to share two of them has blown up.
So, AITA for trying to sit at the bar when there were empty seats?
You got a text from the bartender?
Clearly there is more to the story. The “seat blocker” must have connections, bartenders don’t get involved like this unless their butt is on the line.
Yah ESH
You weren’t just trying to sit in empty seats, you used a sexist slur. And now people are holding you accountable for that language. That is independent of the behavior of the other person. That was a choice.
Next time if someone is taking up 3 seats, ask the host or bartender for assistance. It’s their pocketbook being harmed if someone is hogging space, let them handle it. And if they won’t, leave.
You’re not completely the AH but it could have possibly been handled better. You could have simply said “excuse me do you mind if I squeeze by?” Sure she was being a jerk but that should have been the signal that she was not going to be a helpful individual in your situation.
What kind of bar is it that you can leave your beer ” elsewhere ” and wander around to look for seats? What was wrong with your original table?And the bartender can text you??? And the other ppl weigh in? And think 3 empty seats in a very crowded bar is no big deal?????CHEERS I suppose. ESH. The lady was clearly out of line, rude. Esp after saying ” sure ,I dont care.. You could have said ” excuse me,I need to get by you ” and stood there until she moved or your girlfriend showed up. Or texted the bartender to kindly ask the woman to please move to free up seats for others.Her saying go f yourself was so.out of line. She may have been drunk? A sarcastic thanks a lot( biatch?) was sufficient.
I’m guessing male privilege or a small town?
Really, imagine a woman leaving her drink unattended for even a few seconds
NTA and if the bartender knows you, wtf is wrong with him
Ever heard of politely saying “excuse me” when someone is in your way?
Ever hear of actually reading the story?
>”Cool – can I sit here?” and pointed to the other two seats. She said “I don’t care, sure.”
> “I’m sorry – I can’t get into these seats with you standing there.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t get into those seats with you standing there” after asking for permission to sit there is just as polite as saying “excuse me”.
NTA
NTA
She was blocking three seats when she wasn’t actually using them. It’s not as if you started this conflict OR started the swearing and disrespect, SHE did that. This is 100% on her.