So i (M16) am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (M18), We’ve been together for a while now so the topic of eventually moving in together has come up many times before. For some context, we both live in the U.S. however we live on opposite sides of the country. But ever time we spoke about moving in together, it was always talking about him moving to my state where we can live together until we can really get our life started, but recently he confided in me that he didn’t really wanna move all the way to my state and be that far away from his family.
When he brought this up to me i was fine with it, and we talked about just meeting in the middle and moving to a middle state, but the more i sat and thought about it, i realized i didn’t wanna leave the state i live in. For some more context, i’m out as gay to my entire family and all my friends. Pretty much, if you know me, you know i’m gay. However my boyfriend isn’t out yet, so when we talked about moving, he said he’d come out once he’s not living with his parents anymore.
Now the problem is, i realized i didn’t wanna uproot my whole life where i live to move to some state where neither of us know anyone, or know how hard it would be to buy an apartment/house together. I especially didn’t wanna uproot my whole life just so he can be closer to some people who either wouldn’t support our relationship, or genuinely hate both of us just because we love each other. Now i did end up confessing this to him and asked if he’d consider moving out to where i live still, however he said he would, just not for a while. Now he didn’t seem upset, but the more i’m sat thinking about it, i feel as if it was selfish of me to not wanna move away from my entire family and all my friends, but expect him to do exactly that for me. But my dilemma is, i don’t wanna move away from tons of people who would support us being together, and love him, just to be closer to people who wouldn’t support us. I know this isn’t a big deal, especially since he isn’t even upset about me not wanting to leave, but i still wanna hear other people’s opinion’s. So AITA in this situation, or am i justified in wanting him to move away to be closer to me?
(For some clarification, i’m not talking about moving in with him now. I mean once i’m 18. Just to clear up some confusion people may have, we’ve both agreed neither of us would make any kind of big move until i’m at least done with school and we both have saved enough money to make a move.)
(Another edit, I’m not planning my whole life on my boyfriend. If i get into college out of the state i live in, i still plan to go. I’m not gonna set my whole life up around him. I’m still very much so prioritizing my future above moving in with him, however that doesn’t mean i don’t want it to be a future possibility.)
NTA but you’re 16, still legally a child and way too young IMHO to be making these kinds of decisions. You have the whole rest of your life for adulting!
You are 16 and you can’t even legally make this decision for two years. Stay home and focus on being a teenager and not with a controlling adult who wants to move you out of state away from your family. I’m sure that follows under trafficking or kidnapping a minor.
Better yet, dump this man before he up fucks your life.
NTA but if you think you’re going to be able to buy a house or apartment as a couple who is 16 and 18 you have a lot of learning about the world you still need to do.
NTA but at your ages none of you should even be considering it, you both need your families and social circle and you wouldn’t be able to live independently in an ok situation anyway, just live your live, you both have a lot of growing up yet to do.
NAH. You are way too young to be thinking about all of this. besides if he said he would consider it and has no problem with it then what’s the point of this question?
this. you’re too young to be worrying about this, you won’t be an adult for ~2 years – that’s a lot of time for things to change, i wouldn’t even start thinking about it until then
totally agree with you there
NTA. Don’t even consider uprooting yourself at this age. You’re better served by focusing on your own needs and setting yourself up to live independently in the future. Sharing your life—and living space—with someone should be carefully considered. Don’t be hasty!
Exactly! Living on your own or with platonic roommates is such a crucial growth experience. You have all the time in the world with live with a partner, don’t stress about any of this now. When you’re this young, make your life plans and goals for how you want to live your life. A partner shouldn’t factor into that plan until later on.
You’re not selfish, it’s normal to make your own goals. NTA.
NTA. Please listen to the wisdom of age here…
Never bet your life on a boy.
NTA. But you’re still young and there’s still a lot of time for you to plan things and make such decisions. Don’t take living with someone lightly, it is not easy.
NTA. Also… well you are actually not in a relationship. When someone is long distance and you never (or even rarely) meet in real life, you don’t even really know them. Worry about who moves / lives where when you are 18 and out of high school. Hopefully you are planning your post high school training / education for your future career. Focus on that. A good career gives you options to move and be with who you want once you are an adult.
How is it selfish for you to say you don’t want to move out of state and away from your family, but it’s not selfish for him to say the same thing? NAH, kiddo. But please, and I say this with all the love in the world, don’t make any major life decisions at age 18, either. Your brain ain’t done cooking yet.