I (F24) am tired of lending and having my (F59, F34) mom and sister use up all my stuff.
For a bit of context, I live in a country where is very common to still live with your family until you get married, so I still live at my family home with my parents and sister. She has a very good job and I recently lost mine, I’m living off of my savings while still helping with bills at home and I’m trying to find a new one to hopefully move out.
The thing is; I buy very specific items for my own use (shampoo, conditioner, hair oil and laundry items) I try to use them sparingly because they’re quite expensive and I don’t have the money to replenish them often, however, my mom and sister sometimes use up all of my shampoo and conditioner or my laundry items without telling me, and when I say something about it, they guilt trip me and make me feel like I’m a selfish asshole, now they are both constantly asking for my expensive hair oil (which I use very occasionally) every time they’re done with showering, and they always expect me to say yes, otherwise I’m selfish, on top of that they indirectly expect me to replenish these items so they can keep using them, despite being for **my** personal use.
My sister has a history of doing this, whenever I used to travel for vacation in the past, she would use my beauty products without asking and when confronted, she would say "oh well you have too many anyways" or when I was younger I left for an exchange abroad and she started using my computer as hers and when I came back home, she basically said that it’s her computer now and never gave it back, or when I lend her a dress for a trip with her bf and never gave it back until I told her multiple times, when she did give it back, the dress had a hole and said the hole was there and I lend it and that it was probably my fault…list can go on..
So AITA for not wanting to lend my stuff to my family and expect them to buy and use their own products? Or am I truly this greedy, selfish person that doesn’t know how to be generous with her own family?
Sorry but no. What makes this is the issue, you’re right, is that they gaslight you.
NTA for not waiting to share their things
You don’t have to give them anything! Nor do you still have to live at home! Lock your items away, being nice is being taken advantage of from what your saying…stand up for yourself!
NAH, seems like you come from a more from a more family oriented culture, its probably more expected to share among family members. For your own peace of mind you might want to either learn to let it go or try and move out.
Right, but it’s funny, how the share is a one way street, I think to move out is the best chance here..
True, but I doubt they will be changing their ways…. people like that rarely do.
Edited to add- so if family is important, which in this situation it probably is, you have to let small stuff go or you are just angry all the time.
NTA but it’s culturally dependent. Sounds like you might live in a culture where possessions are shared with family. Sounds like you may need to stop buying the expensive products until you can afford to share or move out. Explain to your family that you have had to cut expenses since you don’t have a job and you need your savings to help with the essential bills.
Nta. You are welcome to make decisions for yourself
Just lock it all up in a suitcase with a lock or some other sort of container in your room.
If you have your own room, install a lock on the door.
Be creative. NTA but stop putting up with them taking/using your things – make it all unavailable to them. Stop lending your belongings. Just let them buy what they need on their own.
NTA. Keep the stuff you don’t want them to use in a locked box
Yep and tell them you’ve got none left.
No NTA,
Sorry it’s so stressful for you! I would say once it runs out just tell them you aren’t replacing it, and then keep a secret little version for yourself in your room if you want to avoid conflict.
Otherwise you could tell them how much it costs and that you guys will all 3 buy your own bottles so you don’t have to share, or gift them versions of it for their birthday/Christmas lol.
Keep the empty bottles and fill it with the cheapest stuff you can find. Tell them that’s what you’re doing now because you are watching your budget. They probably won’t touch it.
Here’s what you could do – fill the current items with their cheap brand counterparts and leave them out as decoys.
Keep and use the actual items in a bag that you can take to and from the bathroom.