I moved during my senior year of high school, which I didn’t want to do, and it was my fourth high school overall. I’ll be moving back in with my grandparents for the summer before college. Shortly after moving, my mom made me attend a Christian group where I met a girl I’ll call Sophia.
Sophia quickly began obsessively talking about a boy who didn’t like her back. At first I didn’t mind, and we became friends. Later, once school started, I met another girl, Annie. We were in the same grade, had similar experiences and opinions, and became close. Eventually, the three of us formed a friend group.
Over time, I noticed Sophia would only engage if the conversation was about her. If not, she would shut down, put in her AirPods, and scroll on her phone. She constantly talked about the same boy and also spoke badly about other girls. Despite presenting herself as extremely Christian, she often made backhanded comments toward me and criticized me for not being “Christian enough.” Being around her became exhausting.
My breaking point was when she intentionally called my long-distance boyfriend by the wrong name, even though she knew we were having issues. When I got upset, she said she’d keep doing it if I reacted again. She also began speaking badly about my younger brother, who later told me she was rude to him whenever he tried to say hi.
Around this time, Sophia talked about how all her past friendships had ended and claimed it was always the other person’s fault. Annie and I discussed how she never took responsibility for her behavior.
Eventually, I told Sophia how I felt. She immediately blamed me, said I should have spoken up sooner, rolled her eyes when I brought up concerns, and refused to seriously talk things through.
We are no longer friends. Several people in our group said they agreed with me and admitted Sophia treated them badly. Annie even told me I “put her in her place.” However, Sophia later cried to others, saying everything was my fault and that she wished I had talked to her sooner, despite the fact that she had previously shut down my attempts.
I’m frustrated, and now my brother told me he saw Sophia and Annie hanging out. I don’t care if they hang out, but I feel like I’m going crazy. Annie just said that she didn’t want to talk to Sophia because she was a bitch, but now is hanging out with her? I’m confused why several of our friends are saying they hate her, yet then are nice to her face and hang out with her. AITAH?
NTA and keep in mind, most people will avoid confrontation so that’s why your friends are still talking to her. It’s a hard road to learn these things but good for you for calling her out. You did great with the issue.
I think you all just sound immature. I would make better friends. You’re NTA for standing up for yourself, but you have to walk away and move on from it. Highschool drama is comical looking back. Expand your friend group and look forward to what you have in the future.
I agree, it is definitely high school drama, I’m just posting because I’m confused why everyone else is saying they hate her yet then act like they love her, that was all. I’m already planning to go to college in the fall and move back to where I’m from, and see my long distance best friend.
It just sounds like high school drama to me. That’s what high schoolers do. They bad mouth each other, then still hang around with other groups they talk bad about and then talk bad about the other person. IDK if it is from the frontal lobe still developing or that you are constantly around the same people with no option of escape that you have in adulthood.
True, we’re all neighbors and can’t really go anywhere, so that’s probably it. I haven’t had this issue with any other friend groups in my past places, since we weren’t neighbors and all had licenses. Also, I’ve been sour this whole year since I had to move countries and lost my license and my friends, so it’s also probably because of that.
NTA, maybe someday Sophia’s behavior will catch up with her but thankfully you won’t need to witness the inevitable meltdown. Annie is probably too timid to take a stand and shut down Sophia’s toxicity, and will also probably learn the hard way to not make friends with scorpions. You did the right thing to cut Sophia out of your life, and now you get the added bonus of knowing what signs to look for when making friends, to avoid accidentally developing a friendship with another Sophia.
I moved before my senior year also. It wasn’t fun trying to fit in with established cliques. People just want to fit in, even if it means hanging out with someone they really don’t like. All my life I have seen this and while you were NTA for calling out Sophia, others won’t follow because they don’t want to be on the receiving end of “bad press.” And, they don’t want to be labeled bad Christians for not tolerating Sophia.
You will meet people like her your whole life. Nothing is their fault. Sometimes it is just better to avoid them as much as you can and form relationships with people who you truly like. Sometimes calling them out helps, but you run the risk of a bad outcome like this. You are not going crazy. It baffles me to how someone can talk bad about another and then act like their new BFF the next minute.
“Sophia quickly began obsessively talking about a boy who didn’t like her back. At first I didn’t mind, and we became friends.”
Live by the sword… die by the sword.
You only confronted her when it became personal. Until then you simply went along with her bad behaviour. Now you’re annoyed because other people do the same.
ESH, get better friends and do better.
I agree I should have said something sooner rather than get annoyed and wait, but she also has no relationship experience and I used to be the same way, so I just kinda went with it.
NAH This just sounds like normal teenage girl shenanigans. You are likely all being self-centered and rude at times. You should have spoken up about her sooner and you are now talking about her behind her back. She is doing the same. You all will (hopefully) grow up and be better friends to each other in the future. Use this as a learning opportunity.
NTA
NTA. Annie hanging out with Sophia doesn’t mean she lied to you. It means she’s choosing the path of least resistance. People do this all the time, especially at your age.
NTA. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot the past few years. High school is very stressful for some people, and being in different schools every year has likely made it much more difficult.
It’s actually pretty normal to make and lose friends rapidly at your age. People’s minds, bodies and psyches are still developing, all at different rates. Focus on being the type of person you want to be, and let your words and actions reflect that. I hope things will improve for you this summer and at college. Good luck.