I came back to my hometown a year ago to find a shared apartment with someone. It was difficult, but finally a friend of my boyfriend’s left his apartment and gave me his room. In this house, I share an apartment with a 31-year-old couple (F and M). I am 28F.
I came with the idea of making new friends in addition to the friends I already have in my city. We get along well, but I spend a lot of time in my room for several reasons: I like to relax in my room, I am a smoker (I only smoke in my room), and because I am not very social at home (I appreciate my alone time and don’t need to talk every time I leave my room).
I understand that this couple likes to talk to someone outside their relationship and with whom they also live. I understand that they suggest plans every few minutes and include my partner. These are gestures of good people who want to socialize, which is normal. The thing is, I don’t feel that way because I don’t feel like we have a strong connection, and lately I’ve been quite selective when it comes to my friendships. I don’t have much time to socialize, so I’m very careful about who I spend time with and how.
I’ve gotten into a weird loop of avoiding them (even though I like them), and they keep suggesting plans. I never confirm anything with them anymore, and for me it’s a subtle way of saying, without being rude, that maybe I don’t want to make plans with them as much as they want to make plans with me.
I’m writing here because, even though I know this situation won’t last forever, I want to know if I should feel bad for not wanting to spend more time than necessary with my roommates. I already feel bad for not wanting to spend much time with them, but I just don’t feel like it, and I would also have to feel bad about myself. I have the feeling that they talk among themselves about the situation with me and that’s why they insist more, and I don’t want to tell them that I don’t want to make plans because I think it would create bad vibes that I don’t want to feel at home.
I want opinions from people who have experienced or seen similar things and to know how they acted or if they did anything about it.
I should add that I’ll be staying in this house until about the middle of the year (my boyfriend is buying a house and I’ll probably go with him), but even so, it seems like an eternity to think that I still have a few months left to feel this way.