So I (17 F) have my 18th birthday coming up very close to Christmas so we had a party with all my family at my house recently.
It was originally supposed to be a small get together for my dads side of the family as my mums family doesn’t live in the country, so when my mum asked if she could bring some of her friends I agreed.
One thing led to another and my mum hijacked the entire party without asking me anything leading it to be twice as big with decorations that didn’t fit my personality, which is whatever but my main issues were with the massive balloon arch that she made knowing I have a phobia of balloons since I was a kid, and a whole pig her friend got which I have again been openly against and honestly upset at.
When reminding her that this is for MY birthday and I don’t want to be uncomfortable in my own home she said things like “this isn’t for you” or “this isn’t about you”
So this is where the actual problem started, I asked her recently over text as she doesn’t live with me if she wanted any ideas for my birthday and Xmas present and she ended up admitting she wasn’t planning on getting me anything for either my 18th birthday or Christmas as she spent a lot on the party and I should essentially just be grateful for what I got.
The thing is she has just booked a trip for herself for the new years.
There had been earlier dramas between us and I lashed out and essentially called her out on it saying I thought it was unfair that I’m not getting anything for my 18th birthday or Christmas because she wanted to spend more on a party I never really wanted with things I am openly against.
She is now upset with me while my dad agreed it wasn’t fair.
I am aware I should have handled it better and I am grateful for all she has done but I’m not sure if im the A or not.
You now know not to depend on your mother for anything. She held a party, not a birthday party for you. I understand she’s disappointed you but I guess it’s not the first time she’s done that. Happy birthday OP!
NTA Having a December birthday is the worst. I don’t understand why, but people seem to think that it’s fine to treat your birthday differently from everyone else’s because it happens to fall near a major holiday. People end up giving you joint gifts, cheap or no gifts because they’re broke from the holidays, or terrible joint holiday/birthday parties like you ended up with.
Your mother is being inconsiderate, and you have every right to feel hurt. I’m sorry your birthday stank this year. I hope you can find your tribe that can make you feel special on your birthday. In solidarity, a fellow Redditor with a December birthday.
I’m sorry that you don’t get something special for your birthday. My daughter‘s birthday is today, December 15, and my granddaughter‘s birthday is the 25th. We’ve always made sure to get them different gifts. Make sure that they’re wrapped in birthday paper, not Christmas paper and for my granddaughter to have a birthday cake. One year for my granddaughter’s birthday we celebrated in June at a local swimming pool, she was only about 11 and she was so confused but really got into it when she figured out what was going on.
NTA
I honestly wouldn’t go to the party. Plan something else with your friends and let her explain to everyone else why you weren’t there. If she does complain, I’d say “I thought it wasn’t about me so why does it matter if I attend?”