Edit to add: They are 2 of his best friends out of a group of 9. Matt and I have been together for 2 years, the comments still continue but only from the 2 guys. I may be a glutton for punishment because when he’s out with his friend group, I refuse to go and when he comes back I ask what all was said. There’s a total of 9 in the friend group and everyone else disagrees with Michael and Brian. I’ve met everyone else in the group at different points and they and their wives have been nothing but welcoming and accepting of my children and I. My fiancé is a wonderful man and I feel likes he’s being torn between friends he’s had practically his whole life and our relationship. He has never said anything disparaging or disrespectful to me. He said he wants me to meet his friends so they’ll finally shut up and realize they judged me solely on the premise that I have kids and not how kind and funny and beautiful I am inside and out.
My fiancé Matt 36m and I 32f have been engaged for eight months. A little back story, I have two children from a previous marriage. Matt and I get along great, it’s his friends that I have a problem with. Matt has two friends that have a big issue with me being a single mom. Michael 26 and Brian 35, are constantly telling my fiancé that he’s wasting his time with me. They’ve never met me but immediately started making comments when Matt and I started dating as soon as they found out that I have kids. “Run, she’s not worth it,” “she’s gotta be crazy,” and the worst one was “single moms are only meant for recreational use.” My fiancé doesn’t like these comments that are being made but he doesn’t say anything to stop his friends either. I don’t want to come between him and his friends but at the same time, I never want to meet these guys who think so little of me just because I have kids. Matt tries to be supportive but when I tell him I have no interest in meeting his friends, he immediately comes to their defense saying they don’t mean any harm and he can’t change their minds about how they feel when it comes to single moms. I love my fiance with all of my heart but he definitely sees me as the a hole here. So that being said, AITA for not wanting to meet my fiancé’s friends?
NTA
anyone who makes comments negatively about my partner, friend or not, is gone from my life. i dont care how long weve been friends. theres 0 good intentions with these comments. in fact, id say your fiance is the A H for not sticking up for you and is a coward.
You know, people are kind of reflective of who they surround themselves with.
Nta. why are you marrying a guy who allows his friends to disrespect both women in general and you in particular? you deserve better.
Also, you’ve never met his friends which means he’s the one repeating their comments back to you. To what end? Because he’s an asshole. DTMFAR.
NTA, but you will be ta to yourself if you stay in a relationship with a man who allows his closest friends to disrespect you so openly. He even defends them. Don’t do this to yourself. You deserve better.
YTA for being okay with bringing a man with no backbone and who is okay having his partner trashed by his friends into the lives of your children. People are the company they keep…
NTA
Your boyfriend sounds spineless – he’s wanting to marry you but can’t defend you at all? Honestly, people are who they hang out with. I wouldn’t be surprised if your bf has said some unsavoury things against women.
You really want to marry someone who defends misogynistic crap directed towards you? If he was really not ok with his friends disrespecting you he would tell them to knock it off. This man is going to be your kids step-father and this is the message you want them to get? That you’re not worthy due to their existence.
” . . . “single moms are only meant for recreational use.” Wow! Anyone who thinks this doesn’t understand respect for women. Anyone who keeps spending time with this type of thought process is more like them than they are willing to admit.
Do you really want this to trickle down to your children? It will. You heard it. They will, too, eventually.
NTA for not wanting to meet his friends. You’re not doing yourself any favors by placating him.
This might take a bit, but I promise there’s a point. My mom and dad met in college, both non-traditional students later in life, and had children out of wedlock for reasons that are complicated but understandable. They eventually get married when my mom is 100% sure she actually wants to marry my dad. They have these friends, who have a kid, and we go over to their place and hang out. A couple times the wife makes comments about us being bastard, unwanted children. My mother is having absolutely none of it, and shuts it down every time. Eventually she warns her that if she makes another comment about us being unwanted bastards, they (my mom and dad) would stop being friends and not come over any more. She made another comment. We never saw them again. Obviously I am not my parents and can’t tell you how exactly the dynamic went, but from what I heard was it was a lot of my mom setting boundaries with this other mom. My dad 100% backed her up and let her call the shots, a lot of their relationship is like that. The other husband’s role, though, was less clear. I don’t know if he backed his wife up. I don’t know if he also felt the jokes were in poor taste. But in a situation where degrading comments are being tossed around, you need to evaluate what you want out of a partner, and if Matt is giving you that. I grew up with absolutely no feelings of being unwanted because I was born out of wedlock. I never felt unsafe or like an inconvenience around my parent’s friends. I believe that is a testament to my parent’s commitment to being discerning about who they kept company with.
How do you know what they say about you? Does your fiance tell you these things? If so, that seems very cruel to do so. There is no reason at all for him to tell you these things. Also, people are typically friends with people they have share values with.
NTA, but why are you with a man who won’t defend you to his friends, or drop his friends when they make such cruel remarks about you? Don’t listen to his words, watch his actions. He is keeping these jerks as friends and expects you to marry him and be OK with those friendships. I’m sure you deserve better.
NTA for not wanting to meet his friends.
But complete y t a for voluntarily subjecting yourself to this.
Please do not marry this man. He is not kind, nor is he good. He tells you what his friends say so that you know your place and your worth in his eyes. He views you as less than and is a-ok with his friends, *repeatedly*, saying it.
Would you ever listen to your friends talk about him this way? That due to his income, losing hair, small penis you should run? That guys like that are only for recreation?
And then, not only listen to them say such offensive things over and over, but run to him to tell him the terrible things that were said about him?
Please, get out, protect your kids from this guy and his “friends”. All 3 of you deserve better.
You’ve never met them but you know what they say about you; how? If HE’s the one telling you this, then it’s not his friends that are the problem, it’s him. You have a bigger problem than his asshole friends. He’s not the one.
ETA have edited again: INFO: how long have you been together?