Me and my gf were playing video games and i started eating some candies and got her some nuts to eat. She asked for some of mine so I handed her the packet and she took all of them out in her hand as a joke and i chuckled and went back to the game. She asked me to pass the packet so I did and then she asked me to help her put the candies back in by holding the bag. I asked her if she could do it as i was mid game round (according to her i said ‘you do it’ bluntly – i don’t think i did but…). So she put them back herself by putting them on the bed and then she passed them back to me and we carried on playing.
Then she told me to eat some, and I said no thanks. Then after 5 minutes she told me to eat some again so I said no again. Then she asked me to a third time so I said i didn’t really want them because they’d been on the bed and in her hands.
Then she got very angry and hostile towards me, refusing to talk to me and she threw them.
I tried to talk to her and when she eventually agreed i said that I was sorry about not helping her put them in the bag that was my bad, I said that it was never her fault and i didn’t mean to blame her (and i never did previously) and i said that im sorry that it came across disrespectfully i just had a preference and that i feel weird about eating food that’s been on the bed and that i thought her hands were sweaty from playing games like mine were and that it was nothing personal and i don’t find her gross and i wouldn’t have eaten them from anyone’s hands in that situation.
She proceeded to say that im calling her gross and that it’s so rude to not eat them because they’d been in her hands and that I made a massive deal about it.
I obviously disagree with all of those points i don’t think i made it a big deal and i feel as though it should be okay to not want to eat food if they’ve been in sweaty hands.
NTA, but realistically you will do much more let’s say unsanitary things than eating food out of your partners sweaty hands over the course of a relationship.
If you’re a germaphobe, good luck because that is just not a fun existence long-term.
I mean been there done that and i’m not a germaphobe just in that moment i’d rather have not eaten sweaty candies
She put the candies on the bed.
That blanket might fall on the floor. They might have a cat that uses the litter is a sits on the blanket. Everyone with a cat knows tiny bits of litter get everywhere. And that’s fine but you wouldn’t want to eat candies off those blankets and floors.
Why do people like to equate sexual activity that is engaged in consensually as the reason people should have no problem regarding food hygiene? I have never engaged in any romantic or sexual activity while activity thinking about swapping bodily fluids or what germs are traded when kissing etc. if I did, it would kill the mood instantly.
It’s a false equivalence. Sex involves some grossness but we overlook it because the nature of the act overtakes that kind of logical and analytical examination of every aspect of the act.
And even if we did think about it, why does that mean they can’t have boundaries against their food?
By your logic people who perform certain acts should be fine with certain body fluids being put on their food before they eat it. All goes in the same place right?🤮🤮🤮🤮
NTA, what are you guys, like 15-16? She messed up and doesn’t want to admit it. I wouldn’t eat the candy either after she had them in her hand and on the bed.
NTA. I don’t care what the situation is, insisting someone to eat something after they already declined instantly makes her the AH. To then make this big thing about your reasons (which you never should have had to justify yourself) is also an AH move. Then she twists your words into commentary about herself that you never said… Yikes. Does she do that a lot?
And even all that aside, your base reasons for not wanting food that was in sweaty hands and on the bed is entirely reasonable. People have different levels of comfort with germs. You shouldn’t have to justify it.
💯👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
NTA, personally.
Side note, does she usually throw things when she’s upset? Did she clean up her tantrum after?
NTA She sounds immature and insecure. For me it would be exhausting to be around someone who tries to force me to do stuff I am uncomfortable with. While I’m sure the candies would have been fine, there’s just zero reason for her to try to make you eat them other than a false sense of acceptance that might have given her. I don’t think there’s anything you could have said to make her feel better. She needs to develop enough self confidence to realize that people’s preferences/dislikes have everything to do with them and nothing to do with her.
NTA, your gf is way too needy, run away quickly. If she needs help putting candy in a bag, imagine whats down the road for you if you end up married. She sounds totally helpless and needs more attention than you are able to provide. Good luck.
NTA. She did something she thought was funny, but it didn’t work, and then she crossed your boundary on food hygiene. That’s her problem, not yours. She’s disrespecting your choice not to eat uncontaminated food.
This is all on her, but I wouldn’t mention it to her again. The throwing thing is disturbing though.
Yah despite her immaturity in her emotional response, throwing the candies crosses a line. It makes her response a whole new level of not reasonable.
Nta. I was a kid in grade 4 and a boy asked me to share some of my lifesavers with him at recess. I opened my hand and they looked kind of wet from my sweaty hand. He said no thanks you hand looks sweaty and walked away. I wasn’t crushed. They were the red kind. The only kind I like. More for me. But he wasn’t wrong. My hand was sweaty and the candies were gross.