So in the past year and a bit, after I started a new job – I started to become really good friends with a colleague really quickly since we had a ton of interests in common, gaming, media, opinions etc. More or less a month after I started working there he got me into playing games with him and his friends which also became mine over time – since at the time I didn’t really have any.
This was extremely taxing to me at first because before meeting him, I really only kept to myself in the evenings, didn’t go out, didn’t spend much time with anyone really, and loved it since I’m an introvert through and through and predominantly liked single player games. I told him this from the get-go.
The expectation from them was that I should be on every single night after work as soon as I got home after gym and did my chores and cooking, since I committed to playing a game with them from beginning to end, which I did happily at the time despite how taxing it was for me.
After we finished the game I became scarce on the group because of the social fatigue and I barely ever joined them. I was happy to be back with just myself and my single player games.
From there it kinda started spiralling. Every now and then when we spoke at work he remarked me not joining any games and kept extending invites for me to join on another game, which I partly didn’t want to do because of how socially exhausted I was after the previous game we played together.
Over the year, I’d hop in once or twice a week to play some stuff with the guys and then started getting chewed out by the entire group for not showing up as soon as I joined – this was mischievous at first with no harm meant.
This in turn pushed me to be more active with them again and lo and behold the same thing happened. I got socially exhausted and didnt join them for an extended amount of time, and by the time I was ready to play games with them again – the chewing out started feeling more like bullying than just making a joke, and since then I haven’t joined them again regularly.
Today, me and the colleague spoke about which cool games we have in our backlog for the December holiday and brought up one of the other friends in the group and how hard it would be to get him to try new things, to which he answered that he’s played at least double the games with him than he has with me. I answered saying that I’m around less than half the time so it checks out and he answered saying not for lack of him trying (Which is true)
I responded to him saying that I told him in the past – I’m a single player gamer first and multiplayer second, and that’s likely never going to change and I feel he got a bit rude after that.
AITA for not wanting to play games with them regularly if it means that I firstly, will be chewed out for being absent, secondly, being called bad and thirdly, will be left with more social exhaustion because Im an introvert?
NTA for setting boundaries. They need to respect those boundaries.
At the same time I would reflect on if your current level of social activity is what you desire in your life. Are you happy with the amount of time you spend with yourself? It reads like the issue here might be your “friends” socially draining you rather than you wanting to be on your own.
Your question prompted me to realise that they definitely lean towards breaking me down more than building me up, which might add to the drain I feel when interacting with them. I am the “New guy” in the group and thus everything I do amounts to “bad” because I havent been playing these games as long as they have. I’d look for other friends but quite frankly finding other people with the same interests as me isn’t easy unfortunately
I also like single player games and having time to myself. Let’s be alone, together 😂
NTA
You don’t owe anyone your time and energy, and they should be respecting your boundaries without giving you a hard time about it.
I would recommend telling your friend – *I’d be more likely to join the game if y’all were appreciative of my presence instead of salty about my absence* – to see if that helps them understand your feelings better.
NTA, maybe NAH. Friendships and games are meant to be fun. If you’re dreading it and feeling exhausted because of it, it’s not fun. You have no obligation to be someone else’s good time. I don’t think your workmate has done anything wrong- if anything, he’s trying to include you, which is a cool gesture. The bullying tho, yeah, fuck that. If they can’t accept that you can or want to show up rarely, they’re not your group.
NTA. It sounds like you were upfront about being an introvert and a single-player gamer, and you did make an effort to meet them halfway. Wanting downtime and setting limits isn’t rude or selfish it’s basic self-care. Friends should respect different social batteries, not pressure or shame someone for having one that drains faster. You’re allowed to enjoy games (and friendships) in a way that works for you.
NTA, However I think that you should tell your friends that you don’t want to hangout straight up, other than saying “I’m a single player person, multiplayer next.” Maybe you aren’t trying to be mean, but they could also be trying to hangout with you.
This is an expectation children have.
NTA
I get the feeling that the rest of the group may not know your boundaries.
If it’s something you want to continue then the best solution might just be to set up a session once a week where you join them. That way they know to expect you on those days and can play the multiplayer that they need help with.
Their frustration might be the not knowing part.
You should definitely not allow them to bully you into playing though if it’s not something you want or have energy for