I (20M) was on a call with my (20F) girlfriend recently talking about books. A long time ago, I recommended her a book on an app we both use because it matched her interests. She read it, liked it, and asked me for more recommendations.
I said I’d look for more books for her, but she suggested that we just exchange usernames so she could directly browse my library on the app. The thing is, I felt embarrassed because more than half of the books in my library are guilty-pleasure reads that I don’t really want to share. I told her I could just recommend books manually instead of sharing my username.
After that, she went quiet and started scrolling on her phone. I asked what was wrong, and she kept saying “nothing,” but the mood was clearly off. I kept asking, got frustrated, and eventually turned my camera off for a bit to cool down. She did the same shortly after.
Instead of talking verbally since I was still a bit annoyed, I texted her asking why it was such a big deal that I didn’t want to share my username. She replied by spamming the “like” emoji and then said, “Then I’m sorry for asking your accounts.” For context, I’ve already given her full access to all my other social media accounts willingly for convenience reasons (e.g, I can’t reply to someone we both know so she can do it for me, fetch some files that I might need but I can’t get because I’m out and it’s urgent, etc.), no problem.
I pointed out that she seemed angry even though she said sorry. She then replied, “I’ll just remove my access to your accounts then” That felt like guilt-tripping to me, so I ended the call and said that I was only talking about *one app*, not denying her access to everything, and that she could do whatever she wanted.
Her last message was: “I didn’t even say anything. “Then don’t, shove whatever you’re hiding back into yourself.”
Now I’m wondering if I overreacted or if I was reasonable for wanting privacy over something small and personal.
**AITA?**
EDIT: Changed a couple of wordings to clear confusion :).
ESH you’re 20. Act like it.
Of course she’s doing to wonder why you don’t want her having something as simple as your book account. Going silent over it if dramatic.
You not being a grown up and using your words makes you ta as well. “Hey sorry but that’s full of my embarrassing guilty reads!” Doesn’t take much. Then texting her instead of talking come on
I disagree that of course she’ll be wondering why he’s so secretive. I wouldn’t ask for someone else’s account access but if I did and they said no id have zero suspicion. IMO it’s more natural to not want to share that information than to share.
She’s not asking for account access, just for the username to browse the other person’s library (which i assume is public, or at least visible to friends on this app?)
She’s not asking for account access for the reading app, she just wants to share user names so they can be friends on the app. Totally different things
> You not being a grown up and using your words makes you ta as well.
OP seemed to communicate just fine here to me. This should be directed to his girlfriend. She’s the one acting weird and passive aggressive over him not sharing his account.
What exactly do you want him to have said that he didn’t? What is he doing that should be expressed in words instead?
They said that in their comment. “Ugh I would but that account is full of all my embarrassing guilty pleasure reads.”
Also there’s a certain immaturity in being like “my romantic partner cannot know I’ve read Twilight” — like what you like, everyone has “junk food” reads, and sharing with your girlfriend should be about connecting and letting them know you, not posturing about your intellectual reading choices.
OP’s within their *rights* to share or not share whatever they want, but it’s weird to withhold fairly basic info like your reading list from your girlfriend. She overreacted and failed to communicate that well, but it’s still kind of a weird move on OPs part to decline and not explain why.
Nah dawg. NTA. YOUR STILL AN INDIVIDUAL and dont have to share everything. You are allowed privacy in a relationship.
NTA. Not everything you read would you recommend. It’s none of her business.
NTA – honestly I will say that you need to communicate with her why you want to keep it private if you want the relationship to last. I completely understand the embarrassment and wanting to keep it private – that’s your right – but I’d also explain to her why. She might be more receptive than you think
INFO: Can you be clear about exactly what was being suggested?
When talking about the book app it seems all that is being asked for is your username so she could see your profile – which lists the books you’ve read. This seems to me to be akin to being able to see someone’s instagram posts etc.
Then later you say “I’ve already given her full access to all my other social media accounts”.
What do you mean by access? Do you just mean that you follow each other (or equivalent) or that she actually has access to your account (i.e. has the password) and could create posts etc etc?
Sharing user names and passwords is so weird.
User name could be fine depending on what it is. But password? Nope, not sharing that.
I don’t think that’s what she asked for. OP just said she asked for his username. Like she wanted to friend him and see his profile — or that is how I read that.
People are reading into this more than the post says, yeah.
She probably want to friend him on the app to use a “see library” function.