I (38M) and my wife (39F) are having a disagreement on what to do in this situation. My son, who is 8, lives for football. It’s been announced in May that a yearly football Festival be held in Blackpool (UK). We live across the country so this is a weekend trip for us. One of us goes with him and him and his team play in the festival as well as other fun things from bowling and stuff like that. He’s done 2 of these now and would be really disappointed if we can’t go.
However, already for that weekend is my daughters (5) dance show. She does 2 dance classes at the one dance Studio. Cheerleading and Musical Theatre. They work all year round to do the show, they buy costume’s, rent out a local theatre for 2 afternoon shows for all the girls of all the age groups to do it. It’s a whole big thing. My daughter loved it last year which was her first show, she also rocked it and stood out above everybody else.
My wife thinks one of us should go to one and the other take her to the other one. Which usually would make sense. However, my son does a lot of competitions, events and other things throughout the year. One of us always goes to his training and watches him, we almost always both of us go to his competitions and local football festivals dragging his sister along. He does a ton of these things, this one is bigger, teams come from all over the country for it but he still does a lot of similar more local things. A bigger one he did mid last year would be a big one in Glasgow where teams come from neighbouring cities for the event.
My daughter on the other hand, has nothing else like this. She goes into the twice a week and we don’t get to see anything. There’s a watch week once a year where we get to sit at the side of the class and watch but that’s it. Everything leads up to the one show. My wife’s argument is regardless of whether one of us misses it or not, she still gets to do the show. My son would miss the entire weekend thing if one of us doesn’t go.
However, there’s just nothing else like this for her. There’s no mini shows around the year she does. She never gets to show off (which she loves doing, she’s a performer). To me, this is the one and only *thing* that she gets. If we miss this, that’s missing everything of hers for the entire year. There’s nothing else. My son misses this one, we get to see and take him to all the other things throughout the year.
He also does golf and does competitions round that too. They both do swimming but not in any competitive manner. Just lessons on how to swim.
Are these your only options? Is there not an uncle or someone who could take your son?
I agree with your wife. Split up. Maybe she could tape the show and you guys could have a family watch party so she gets the extra attention…
Or the wife goes with the son, since the father seems to value his daughter’s show a lot. Nothing says that he has to be the one missing the dance recital.
Exactly what I was thinking. The wife is right that they should split up, but also why does it have to be him going to football? Easy enough for her to make it seem like not a big deal when she isn’t the one traveling
They should split up, but obviously the father should get to go to the daughter’s event
If the mom is insisting someone must go to the son’s event, it has to be her
I get what you are saying but you have 2 adults and can realistically take both kids to both events without either being left out.
Maybe its just as I have a football playing son but I wouldn’t have either kid missing out for the sake of the other, it will cause resentment in kids too young to understand.
Ywbta if you decided to keep your son from going. Your wife has the right idea divide and conquer
YTA when you have 2 young children who both have events 1 parent takes 1 and the other parent takes the other 1
softly, YTA. Your wife is right.
You’re minimising your son’s event because ‘he gets more chances’, but he’s an 8 year old boy – EVERY chance is important for him, especially for something he loves. What if your daughter picks up something new that also doesn’t have as many events? Would you drop everything for her at his expense?
Which is harder? Explaining to him that both him and his sister have big important events happening at the same time so only one parent can be there, or explaining that his sister takes more priority than him and his event matters less? Cause that’s a surefire way to breed resentment towards one another. Like another commenter here said, film it. Take photos. Show it off to the family later once everyone’s back together.
Your kids will both be more emotionally mature if you can teach them empathy and that while they won’t always get their way in life 100% of the time, their parents will still do their best to be there for them both equally.
yeah, he also ‘gets more chances’ because he’s three years older. Dance and swimming is a reasonable amount of hobbies for a 5 year old. Presumably when she’s a year or two older, she’ll have a similar amount of commitments.
Yta. Wife goes football, you go dance. You have 2 kids, don’t build resentment between them so young.
YTA you’re not even looking into eays for your son to go. Another family member or another family from his club – if he’s been it it uears do you not know anyone?
You’re wife said one parent with each child. Is she okay to go with son?
I’m curious based on the feel of this post, is it possible that OP’s real problem is that he will be expected to take his son but really wants to go to his daughter’s event? Would OP be okay with the split if he went to his daughter’s event and mom went to son’s event?
YTA
Why are you making this a whole big thing? You have two children. You are one of two parents. They can both have a parent with them and it’s really not as big a problem as you want it to be. Yes, life isn’t fair sometimes and all that blocks but this is one of those times it can be.