I (21m) am a college student. I’m in a frat and I’m gay. It’s not a conservative group (no one has ever given me shit for it) but I’m the only one.
Every year my college has a date party to celebrate the end of finals. I didn’t pick the theme; it’s “split a suit.” Basically take the components of a suit and you have to divide that amongst you and your date. I saw the writing on the wall; a lot of guys being shirtless with blazers and suit pants, and a lot of girls in oversized dress shirts and ties with no pants.
The issue was that didn’t apply to me. I ended up asking a guy from my class I’ve been casually talking to as a first time hanging out situation (don’t worry, he’s gay too, I’m not delusional). I asked him what he felt comfortable wearing and he said he prefers to be dressed so I told him he could do the dress shirt and pants and I’d be fine with the remainder. So basically I wore a blazer, was shirtless with a tie, and had on boxer briefs. Which, to me, is on theme.
None of the guys had an issue but a friend’s gf came up to me and said that it was inappropriate and I was making the girls uncomfortable. I felt embarrassed so my date and I left. My date said I had misled him what the party would be like and I was an AH for not dressing appropriately. Now I feel like a jerk. AITA?
You are NTA, just like everyone else, except for one (1) stranger confirmed.
Agree. The party was very clearly set up to have girls show up without pants.
There is literally zero difference between them showing up pantless and OP showing up pantless given the scenario. Aside from, you know, the blatant sexism.
What’s the difference between boxer briefs and your shorts or swim trunks? NTA.
NTA. You dressed according to the theme and rules.
I would say NTA because boxer briefs cover as much as a swim suit does. My guess is that you were only making one person uncomfortable, and that’s your friend’s GF.
NTA boxer briefs cover everything a swimsuit would. As a woman I would not have a problem with it.
NTA. You didn’t do anything wrong. People want a sexualized theme until the sexualization goes “the wrong way”.
If there’s only one pair of pants per outfit, that means half the attendees are attending in their underwear, right? So wtf did they expect to happen?
But it’s different when *girls* do it.
/S
NTA – this reminds me of the part in Legally Blonde where Elle was told to wear a costume to a party and everyone gave her shit for showing up in a bunny costume. Your frat bros were jerks for not having your back, and it’s a bummer that your date reacted the way he did. I’m sorry
As a gay guy who went on a date with the only gay frat bro to a party with his conservative frat friends:
It really fucking sucks when your dates frat bro friends are shitty about gay stuff, and your date just pretends it isn’t really an issue.
OP, don’t bring dates to your frat events. It just sucks. I know you think your frat bros are cool. They aren’t. Your dates are pretty much always going to have this reaction. In general, being the only guy present at the party who isn’t in the frat is weird enough. The whole event ends up being hyper hetronormative, even if your bros were cool.
The entire premise of the event was custom tailored to ‘a guy and a girl split a costume’, and people got upset when ‘two guys split a costume’.
NTA. The party theme was deliberately provocative, and everyone was ok with that when they thought it meant women showing off their legs wearing shirts as mini dresses.
Exactly this. The party organisers, and the people who complained about you, and (to a lesser extent) your date were all AHS.
You are NTA.
You got dress coded by people who would have been furious if someone said that about them. NTA. They are not party people