AITA?
I(F) (27) have a best friend (F) (27) who recently moved into my apartment building almost a year ago. She moved into my building because she escaped an abusive relationship and her family +I thought it would be good for her to live close to a trusted friend. I had no problem with this and even helped her get the application. It’s nice to have her close minus this one problem.
On the day she was moving out she was deciphering on whether or not to take the dog she bought during this relationship with her or to let her ex keep it. She ultimately decided to take the dog because she wasn’t sure if her ex would have a place to stay. She moved out on a random day while he was at work and didn’t tell him.
I did tell her I would help her with the dog if she needed since we were so close, living on the same floor, and I have a regular 9-5 job. She works (2) part time jobs and is usually out late (bartender). In the beginning I had no problem taking him out and using the bathroom but if I am being honest I cannot stand dogs. I have (2) cats and they are easy to take care of. I have a feeder + automatic scooper and they cant even be bothered with me sometimes which is what I love. I hate dogs because they require more work than I am willing to give. And they smell. My friend knows these things but of course I still told her I would help her when I could.
Flash forward to today and she keeps asking me every day to take the dog out. I am just so frustrated because I feel like the dog is more my responsibility these days than hers. She will stay late at work for shifites (drinks, go the bars, or even go hang out with other people rather than come home and walk her dog herself) Another example is for new years I hosted a get together at my apartment meanwhile she went out. The fireworks were scaring the dog and he was not happy but she came over to my place and asked if her dog could stay at my apartment while she went out. I declined because he doesnt listen, I bought new couches, and ultimately I did not think it was my responsibility. But, she texted me and some of the other people at the party to see if we could check on him at like 1 am. I was reluctant but we did it anyway. I feel bad because I dont want to be the reason an animal feels or is neglected but if I wanted a dog I would get one.
I feel like she should be coming home to check on her dog before going out to the bars or staying out late or doing anything without checking on him. I want to help her but I am exhausted too from this.
AITA for not wanting to help even though I said I would?
NTA. Supporting your friend doesn’t mean inheriting her responsibilities. It’s time for a frank chat about boundaries – and maybe doggy daycare.
NTA
NTA but talk to her about it and set a clear boundary.
Time to tell your “friend” that in a month you will no longer be able to take care of her dog. That gives her plenty of time to make other arrangements, change her work schedule or give the dog up. If any friends or relatives give you crap over your decision, tell them you will drop off the key to her apartment so they can walk the dog and watch them backtrack fast with lane excuses.
By the way, she isn’t a friend, she is a user. She is using you for free doggy care and not reciprocating. When was the last time she took you out to dinner as a thank you? Has she ever? She doesn’t even say thanks, does she? She just expects you to be the doggy nanny for free. Time to rethink this whole relationship.
NTA. It’s one thing to offer help and another to be expected to consistently care for the dog.
You both need to talk and figure out a system that works for both of you.
You need to establish with her what you mean by helping out. If actually that means not at all then yeah YTA – you shouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean it. But if she’s thinking it means daily walking and you meant more let it out a couple of times a day and maybe occasionally put food down then you need to specify that with her
NTA!! Not your dog, not your responsibility. This friend is a negligent dog owner, and the poor creature is suffering for her negligence.
NTA. You could offer suggestions on other ways of taking care of the dog. I get while shes at work it makes sense to help her. But if shes out partying and what not then shes avoiding her responsibilities and I would be upset about it if I was in that situation.
NTA, but you created an expectation of support, and she’s not the bad guy for wanting you to follow through. Sit her down and let her know that it’s turned out to be different than you envisioned. Pick a reasonable length of time, say 2 weeks or a month, that she can continue to rely on you, but after that she needs to find a different solution.
NTA-it’s one thing to be asking for help when she literally can’t be there because of work. It’s another thing to be asking so she can go do whatever she wants after work. Deciding to take the dog meant she decided to take responsibility for that dog. And not just its basic needs. I mean love and companionship and attention. She is being negligent.
I have to spend 10 hours a day away from my dog. You better believe I am spending every minute I have after work with her. If I have stuff to do, she comes with me.
You’re co-parenting a dog you didn’t adopt. Maybe rehoming is a good idea in this situation.
NTA
ESH
She’s TA for not caring for her dog properly
But you’d also be TA if you stopped letting it out to the bathroom or do basic things to help out. It is her responsibility but if she’s not doing it, you shouldn’t just let the dog suffer over it.
You really shouldn’t have said you’d be ok with the dog if you despise them. It’s not fair to you or the dog to live in that arrangement.