For context I (17) will, in the near future, be hosting my friend (19) in my house, My mom has agreed to this and we’re starting to make preparations for him to live with us. It won’t be long term, only until he can get off his feet. We just moved in, so we don’t have a lot of furniture right now, and our living room is completely empty except for an office chair. As soon as I got home from school, my mom said that she’ll be buying a futon bed and that we should rearrange my room to fit it in there. I said no, because I want privacy in my room, and I like the layout the way it is. I also said that we could put it in the living room, which is empty, and she gave me a side eye and scoffed before she said "well I want privacy in my house, it’s your friend so you should make sacrifices." I said no again and doubled down that I need privacy in my bedroom, and she ended the conversation and went back to her bedroom. I also don’t think my friend would like having to share a room with me, but am I being selfish for not wanting to rearrange my room to share with him?
Edit: I was told to add the info that we previously agreed and talked with him that he would be sleeping on a couch in the living room, and she happily agreed to let him stay + help with the house so she can work full time. I also talked to my mom and said we can rearrange my room anyway because of this. so. problem solved I guess.
the reason he’s moving here for a while is because his family is abusive to him and he has nowhere else to go. I get I’m the asshole now I’m sorry I’m making it work I’m doing. the thing. okay. I’ll be doing the thing. I’m sorry
YTA. It’s YOUR friend. Where did you think he would be staying??
YTA. Having a friend come live with you was your idea. Where did you think your mom was going to put him? The airing cupboard??
The idea that your mom is going to give up the only living room in the house she pays for so that you don’t have to share a bedroom with a dude you apparently are such good bros with that you MOVED HIM IN is nutso, sorry.
Do not be surprised if your mother responds to your intransigence by refusing to let your friend move in. She would be justified in doing that. You’re obviously trying to do the guy a solid here, and I respect that, but you need to give him YOUR space, not someone else’s.
yta
I wouldn’t let the friend stay if you aren’t willing to accommodate them. You have no say, not your house and she can simply refuse to let them stay in her house.
YTA. This person would not be moving in if not for you. It’s \*your\* friend. And presumably your mom is paying the bills so your mom is essentially supporting this kid until he gets on his feet. You are not hosting in your house. Your mom is hosting in her house.
There’s no way I would let my kid’s friend take up my living room because my teenaged daughter is being selfish. Rearrange your room or your and your friend can both get jobs and move out and live how you want.
YTA. You’re “hosting” him, but your mom is the one paying the bills and buying furniture to accommodate him. You wanted to help, it’s entirely reasonable that you carry some of the burden of doing so.
Yta, I was in a situation once where I needed to stay at a friends parents house, we shared their room. If they are your house guest you gotta step up.
YTA – mom is doing you and him a favor, if you don’t like it, he can find somewhere else to stay. Suck it up and share a room like tons of kids do.
YTA, are you paying? Stop being difficult. It’s YOUR friend, not your moms. You will both have a roof over your head because of her. It’s just like having a roommate in a dorm room in college. Nbd
YTA. He’s your friend. If you weren’t prepared to make sacrifices for him living there, then you shouldn’t have approached your mom about him moving in.
YTA
Your family is doing all of this to help *your* friend. *You* should be the one losing a bit of privacy and share your room, not making everyone else deal with your friend in the living room (and your friend having zero privacy out there).
I don’t think your friend is going to want to have ZERO privacy sleeping in the living room with your mom roaming about the house. Get the futon bed in your room and share until he can move out.
YTA
This is your friend, not your mom’s friend. If you want them to stay with you, be prepared for the futon to go in your room. It really doesn’t matter if you like the idea of sharing or if friend likes the idea of sharing. Your mom does NOT have to take an extra kid who is not hers into her house and she is absolutely reasonable to not want the common areas turned into a bedroom. So if you make a big thing out of this, the easiest thing for her to do will be to say “sorry, this isn’t working out and your friend needs to find somewhere else to stay.”
YTA – it’s your friend, that means you don’t get to take common space for them. Also unless you’re paying the bills you don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to this kind of favour.
Do you want to host your friend or not? You’re asking a huge favor from your whole family, and if you don’t contribute financially to the household, you’re asking more from your parents/caregivers. If you aren’t willing to inconvenience yourself by having your friend in “your” space, why should everyone else?
It doesn’t matter that there’s not yet furniture in the living room. It’s a shared space. You’re asking the whole family to give up their communal space, and also no, your friend won’t have “more privacy” in a communal space with presumably no doors that everyone walks through – than he would have in a bedroom with a door and a roommate.
If you don’t want to help your friend with a place to stay, be honest about that now – with your friend, with your family, and with yourself.
YTA – if nothing else for offering a lifeline to your friend and then wanting to yank it away the moment it inconveniences you.