my friend desperately needed 1000$ I could have given it easily, but I don’t like lending money because I’ve had bad experiences in the past.
So I told him I could give him 50$ as a gift instead, because that’s the most I would give without expecting anything back.
He got really offended by the small amount and called me to tell me how offensive this was to his situation. I called him ungrateful. At that point we were friends for like a year, he made it seem like we were best friends when he asked for money.
I live in eastern europe btw, so this money is worth more here (but admittedly my salary is also pretty good and he knew that)
NTA, you are under no obligation to give/loan him anything. The fact you offered 50 with nsa shows you are a better friend than him. Great job holding your boundaries
NTA, your money is yours to do with as you please. If you are comfortable offering $50 as a gift rather than lending $1000 because it would impact the friendship (make you worried about getting paid back etc) that’s a boundary your friend should respect. If he can’t respect that, I’d question whether he’s your friend or sees you as a convenient ATM. Offering $50 as a gift is not nothing no matter where you are.
You do not give a friend of a year $1000 that’s just stupid. $50 is more than 0 and you aren’t a bank. NTA
I mean $50 is a lot less than $1000 so I can see how your friend was offended by that offer. On the other hand, beggars can’t be choosers. I think you’d be better off by telling him you don’t feel comfortable giving him that amount or just tell him that money is tight right now. I won’t say you’re an asshole though because I believe you had good intentions. Just next time don’t offer anything at all.
Edit: I have friends who ask me for money all the time. Do I have it and can give it? Sure. But it’s also my money that I worked for. Just because they are a friend or family doesn’t mean they’re entitled to your finances. Financial abuse is a real thing so as a boundary, I stopped lending out money.
NTA. You are not a personal money loan bank. If he is that desperately he could ask his relatives or check the bank to take out a loan. There is a saying in Dutch no you have yes you can get.
NTA, pretty simple actually, if someone asks for money (even if they offer to pay you back later) it’s **always** your call.
If they resent you for refusing, that’s on them.
NTA. What does your friend desperately need it for? Even if it was for bills, he is not entitled to your money lol
What you did is exactly what I do.
I forget who gave this advice, but I heard someone say this, that they never loan people money, friends or family, because it will most likely ruin the relationship.
Instead you give them what you can as a gift, BUT you also make it very clear, that this is a one time thing, don’t ever ask me again.
I’d tell him, “Dude, I don’t know you like that to just give you a grand.”
Hell, you probably don’t know him well enough to give him $100.
NTA. If he’s broke then he should appreciate a $50 gift. If he’s not broke but needs $1000 for a specific reason then he should just decline the $50 and say thanks for offering. Then you both move on. A lot of people don’t like to loan money. I will loan money to close friends if I have it but I’ve been burned so I understand the caution
NTA – being friends for just a year seems premature to ask for a $1000 loan (was it even a loan?)
I would maybe do this for a lifelong friend 20+ years but would really have to understand why and what’s going on
NTA. I never lend people money unless I’m ready to lose it and I couldn’t imagine asking someone I know for 1 year to borrow 1K.
Money is always the best true friend detector, this guy failed.
NTA
All he needs is 19 more friends like you!
INFO what did he desperately need the money for? Even if he needed it to save his child’s life, you are not obligated to give it. But in that case I would think what you did was insulting.
If friend’s idea of “desperate” is that he wants something new for fun or vanity, then what he did was insulting to you, and he should’ve been happy with your offer or declined graciously.