In January my girlfriend decided she wanted to lose some weight. We’ve both started being more consistent with the gym and will go 3 times a week The thing is my gf isn’t really doing more at the gym than she used to. She does maybe an extra 5 mins on a cardio machine.
In terms of meals, she’s reduced the portions of some of the things she eats but not most of it.
She was complaining last night about not being able to lose weight despite trying for months. She said she doesn’t know why she’s not losing weight. I mentioned potentially weighing her food or tracking what she eats but she said she doesn’t want to be doing that.
I mentioned trying to go for walks and aiming for 10,000 steps on non gym days but she refused that also.
She won’t actually weigh herself so she doesn’t actually know if she’s losing, maintaining or gaining weight. We cooked dinner then she immediately started adding a lot of cheese. The meal didn’t even need cheese and is fine without it so I mentioned to her to maybe use less cheese and she refused that and said she didn’t use much.
Later the night she was complaining again about not losing weight but I just said it sounds like she expects a lot of results quickly for minimal effort. I pointed out she refused every suggestion I made. I said if she’s serious about losing weight she has to put the work in.
She said I was blaming her for it but I just pointed out that yeah she needs to take some accountability for it when she openly admits she won’t actually do most things that will help her lose weight.
She accused me of calling her lazy and of fat shaming her but I just said that’s not what’s happening.
AITAH for telling my girlfriend to take some accountability regarding her not losing weight?
NTA. You need to put in serious work to have weight loss
Tell her that either she puts in the work or she accepts her current weight. Either will work
Play stupid games, and win stupid prizes… If she doesn’t take it seriously, she won’t lose weight, that’s the unfortunate reality. And she is the only one who can be accountable for her own weight.
Nta but, is there a chance she ever had disordered eating, or any biological/medical factor that could play into her weight?
NTA. You need to tell your gf to grow up. If she doesn’t want to make changes, then you need to tell her to stop complaining about not meeting her goals.
Nta, you are clearly offering her support and holding her accountable. This was a goal both of you had!
NTA. Basic thermodynamics says increased movement with less fuel will lead to the body using more of its stored fuel. Yes it’s hard, yes medication can get in the way, but it really is that basic. Building metabolically active tissue (aka muscles) will help too.
She needs to take responsibility.
I know I snack frequently, so now I don’t buy many snacks. I don’t like meal prepping so I pay a company to deliver my meals. I’m losing fat but eating well. I don’t punish myself if I eat more, it’s about the long game and a couple of blips won’t stop the overall progress.
NTA.
This must be a complicated situation for you. You want to support her, so you’re speaking up. She’s not putting as much effort into her diet as she should. It’s a vicious cycle, and it’ll end in arguments. If I were you, I’d only comment if she specifically asks about it, and otherwise leave it to her. It’s her diet, her responsibility.
It seems like she is in a negative loop. Feeling uncomfortable in her body, but not able to move forward and make the change. Thinking that If she believes it will happen enough it will happen. Failing is a personal blow, not a logical result of her lack of real action
Sounds like she is at a low ebb and really wants a boost in self esteem, rather than logical points. She wants to hear you love her and she is beautiful
It might be sensible to suggest a personal trainer or a class, so it is not someone close to her emotionally giving advice
Another thing to consider is seasonal affective disorder,
What your saying is reasonable, but a bit harsh and might not be seeing the whole picture
Take a step back and be supportive. Possibly think of fun events rather than just the gym/10 000 steps
For your peace of mind, you need to learn to be quiet. Next time she starts complaining, stop giving advice. Learn to use, “okay”, “I understand”, “I see”. She wants to literally have her cake and eat it too. You’ve already explained what she’s not doing, so don’t reiterate, or repeat it, she will just dig in. Just sit there and watch, nod and smile. She obviously doesn’t want your opinion, so don’t give it. There’ll be less frustration on both of your own parts. Keep working out and eating healthy for yourself; sooner or later, she’ll notice and either stop having a pity party, or will remain where she is. You can’t force an addict to stop, they have to want to on their own.
YTA for reposting
for real. too many reposts lately
Something thats mostly worked for me is ask the person if they need to vent and I should just offer an ear, or if they would like to talk about what to do about it. Then I do what they ask for.
I think this conversation sets the scene and makes it clear what we are doing. Also, this way the other person takes equal responsibility for how the conversation is going to go.
NTA but as you did for your GF, I’m going to offer a friendly bit of advice. Sometimes people just want to vent. They aren’t looking for a fix, just a place to lay out their frustrations and be heard. Issues with weight, especially for women, are complex and can really demoralize a person. What you see as helpful (and it is!) can also feel like your saying they’re failing miserably. I don’t think she’s looking to you to be her health coach, just a sympathetic ear until she’s ready to face what she’s going to have to do to reach her goals.
Good luck to both of you on your health journey!